Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel got Married; Andy Samberg Mourns

Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake got married in a "private ceremony" in Italy, which just sounds like "blah blah blah we're pretentious blah blah blah we're private blah blah blah we ate the local cheeses aren't we cute and humble." 

In related news...Joey Fatone just bought a new backscratcher from Bed Bath & Beyond.  Anyone? Anyone?