George Costanza in a Toupée
Is it just me, or does this hot piece look really good with a piece?
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Yes! Jackie and Kelso 4Ever!
It's that 70's feeling coming all over me! Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are engaged! They'll always be Jackie and Kelso to me, Ashton and Mila are dumbasses. Congratulations!
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Wow, I Didn't Realize Jnco's Were Back In Style
As if they ever weren't! Hah. Well Kaley Cuocco showed up in New York this week wearing some dungarees that seemed to be borrowed from Bozo the Clown. Listen, I love a good wide leg. I dragged loved ones all over the city of Pittsburgh for months, searching for the perfect wide leg jean, but along with the oversized coat, Kaley here looks like the girl version of Josh Baskin in Big when he turns back into a little boy. C'mon, was I wrong to expect more from you?
Boobs and Whiny Johnny Depp Split Up
Katy Perry and John Mayer have reportedly broken up, because I guess, he's allergic to boobs? The fuck is with this guy? Via The Los Angeles Times:
Signs point toward singers Katy Perry and John Mayer having broken up again, according to reports out Wednesday.
The split allegedly happened within the last few days, a source told E! News, which first reported the breakup.
So-ya know...this really has no effect on anything but I'm just paid by
Jason London is Getting Divorced...No Shit, Says his Pants
Because she is a fool, Jason London's wife is giving up the biggest prize she could ever ask for by divorcing this stud...so ladies-guess who's single and saving a seat for you in the cop car: THIS GUY.
Since We're Whores...
Please enjoy our obligatory shill for the angry and vengeful when you don't do what she says lovely Kathleen Wolak and her novel about the pitfalls of Hollyweird for a child star. It's fun, heartwarming, and a great book for the kids. Also, if you don't buy it she'll hurt our computers with a bat throw us a party...a scary, scary party.
Get your copy here or don't and enjoy the nuclear fallout.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Thank For the Laughs, Harold
I found this on The Chive and felt the need to share. Please check out their touching Harold Ramis tribute gallery here
Monday, February 24, 2014
Liberace, Is That You?
Well, it was weird enough Kim Kardashian was getting styling tips from Kanye West, now she shows up with Liberace, dressed alike no less. Those Kardashians will stop at nothing to…uh…you know, do what they do.
What Could Have Caused This?
Robin Thicke and Paula Patton have separated after eight years of marriage. All we can say is Robin is not the gentleman his father, Alan is. At least when he grabs some strange woman's ass, it's not on camera!
R.I.P. Harold Ramis
This is TRULY a huge loss...
Via CNN:
Harold Ramis, the actor, writer and director whose films include "Stripes," "Ghostbusters," "Groundhog Day" and "Analyze This," has died. He was 69.
His death was caused by complications related to autoimmune inflammatory vasculitis, a condition Ramis battled for four years, according to United Talent Agency, which represented Ramis for many years.
Ramis died Monday morning in his Chicago-area home, the agency said.
For more than 40 years, Ramis was a leading figure in comedy. A veteran of the Second City troupe in his hometown of Chicago, he was a writer for "SCTV" and wrote or co-wrote the scripts for "National Lampoon's Animal House" (1978), "Caddyshack" (1980), "Stripes" (1981), "Ghostbusters" (1984), "Groundhog Day" (1993) and "Analyze This" (1999).
"Ghostbusters" star Dan Aykroyd wrote on Facebook, "Deeply saddened to hear of the passing of my brilliant, gifted, funny friend, co-writer/performer and teacher Harold Ramis. May he now get the answers he was always seeking."
Steve Carell, who worked with Ramis on "The Office," tweeted, "Harold Ramis. Funny, gracious, kind hearted. A joy to have known you."
This is so sad because we lost one of the funniest people in Hollywood WAY before his time. Heaven just got a lot funnier-you will truly, truly be missed greatly, Mr. Ramis. God Bless.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Lamar Odom Doesn't Know How Divorce Works
According to UsMagazine, it seems Lamar Odom must be sorry for-oh you know, all that silly crack and cheating on his wife, you know, trivial shit:
In an exclusive interview with Us Weekly
after a Feb. 21 press conference for his new team, Baskonia (a.k.a.
Laboral Kutxa), the basketball player said Kardashian would "always" be
his wife, even if they divorce -- which he's hoping doesn't happen.
"I love my wife. She'll always be my wife, no matter what," Odom, 34, told Us
of Kardashian, 29, who filed for divorce in December after four years
of marriage. "Who knows? We don't know exactly if [the divorce is going
through]. Only time will tell. I hope not. But even if we were divorced,
she would always be my wife."
You know-it's super insensitive of him to do this NOW, after Khloe went to all the trouble of instagramming photos of herself in clothing that tells us she's just fine after being dumped! THINK OF THE FILTERED PHOTOS YOU'RE NEGATING, YOU JERK!
HOTTIE OF THE DAY!
Daphne Aguilera
Christina Aguilera's mother's cousin's friend...or they live on the same block...anyway-DAPHNE'S ON THE SET!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Guess Who's Knocked Up?
That's right, another child will be strolling out of Christina Aguilera's vagina at some point in the near future. The father, I will assume, is her fiancee Matt Rutler. Mazel to the happy couple.
HOTTIE OF THE DAY!
Drew Thacher from Life Goes On
The hottest part of the most depressing show on TV
Ahh…Mistakes of Our Youth
Kayla Michelle Finley of South Carolina spent one night in jail for failing to return a VHS of Monster-in-Law to her local video store. Oh yeah, she rented it in 2005 when she was about 18 years old. Guess she thought she could outrun her past, think again! The video store, Dalton Videos, has since gone out of business, but when Finley went to the local sheriff recently to complain about a stalker (probably the former owner of Dalton Video) an outstanding warrant for her arrest was found for not returning the Jennifer Lopez/Jane Fonda triumph. Looks like they wanted her in jail bad, judging from her mugshot, they ripped her out her chair in the middle of a haircut.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
We Don't Read, But You Should!
In fact, you should read this book-if you want-actually...do it or Kathleen will hurt us.
all kidding aside-it's a really good read, especially if you're a teenage girl at heart-which we are. Now seriously, buy it or we are all screwed. I hear her coming down the hall.
Apparently, This is Happening Now
According to our multiple credible hoity-toity sources (Us Weekly)-Miley Cyrus and Jared Leto are doing whatever weird sex their type does-I'm assuming there's a lot of wasabi. So, not only does love know no age, but neither, apparently does Jared Leto. WHAT WOULD ANGELA SAY??
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
HOTTIE OF THE DAY!
1970's Bruce Jenner
Before the Kardashians and female hormones, this guy was one hot hunk. USA!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Frankel My Dear, I Don't Give a Damn!
I will NEVER stop talking
Bethenny Frankel's talk show Bethenny has been canceled. Even though they tried to pack the audience with Real Housewives lovin' , Skinny Girl chugging, Streisand ticket holdin' friends of Dorothy (yes that was me in the front row on the right…of every show) Bethenny could not escape the curse of poor ratings, which have plagued even the best of talk show hosts like Kris Jenner and Chevy Chase.
HOTTIE OF THE DAY!
Andie Walsh from Pretty in Pink
Whether you're a richie or poorie, you can't help but love this hopeless romantic
Friday, February 14, 2014
HOTTIE OF THE DAY!
Cupid from Sabrina the Teenage Witch
AAnnnddd ladies-he's single...and pantsless.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Hmmm…Very Interesting
This guy up here, Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko (but let's just call him Boris) abruptly quit the Olympics right before the Men's short program. The 31-year-old then retired from the sport altogether. Apparently, Boris has chronic back issues, and when he fell in warmups the day before, he said it was "like a knife in [his] back." Okay, maybe I've watched Top Secret one too many times but I can't help but feel Vlad Putin is somehow behind this sequence of events. I'm not saying Boris doesn't have injuries, I'm only saying, don't be surprised if you see this.
HOTTIE OF THE DAY!
Peggy Hill from King of the Hill
You know what they say about women with big feet
Lil' Kim is Going to Have a Lil'er One
We could be really vulgar and ask how many licks does it take to get Lil' Kim pregnant, but we have class people, and besides everyone knows you can't get pregnant that way, unless it's with Tommy Lee, because his junk can steer a freakin' boat, or Alan Alda, he's able to do that too, yeah but those are the only two guys. Kim has not revealed the identity of her baby's daddy yet (so I guess the possibility of it being Tommy Lee or Alan Alda is not off the table) but her bump made an appearance at Gilded Lily in New York after a fashion show. And everyone thought Lil' Mama was trying to be Lil' Kim. Looks like it's the other way around. Congrats to Lil' Kim and possibly Alan Alda.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
R.I.P. Sid Caesar
Heaven just got a little funnier...via CNN:
Sid Caesar, whose clever, anarchic comedy on such programs as "Your Show of Shows" and "Caesar's Hour" helped define the 1950s "Golden Age of Television," has died. He was 91.
A friend of the family, actor Rudy De Luca, does not know the exact cause of death, but says Caesar had respiratory problems and other health problems for several years.
Caesar became famous for "Your Show of Shows," which went on the air in 1950. It lasted four years and was followed by "Caesar's Hour," which combined sketches, musical revues and situation comedy.
Both shows featured writers who became famous in their own right, including Neil Simon, Carl Reiner, Mel Brooks, Mel Tolkin, Lucille Kallen and Larry Gelbart. Woody Allen also contributed to Caesar's comedy as a writer for one of his specials.
Brooks visited Caesar last night to say goodbye, De Luca told CNN.
Rest in Peace, Sid, God Bless.
HOTTIE OF THE DAY
Jessie Spano from Saved by the Bell
Time! Time! There's never enough time to soak in this hot frenzy!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Okay, This is Really Weird, Right?
While estranged wife Kris Jenner is hanging out with rapper The Game, Bruce Jenner has his own game, it's called Hide My Salami. Even though his camp insists he did not get his Adam's Apple shaved as part of a gender re-assignment thing, I can't help but think he is looking more and more like my Uncle Gertrude. That's a Designing Women reference kids. Speaking of Designing Women, have you seen Bruce Jenner lately? Hoh! Thank you, you've been a great audience.
R.I.P. Shirley Temple
The world has lost one of its cinematic treasures. Shirley Temple has passed away, she was 85. Temple, known in her private life as Shirley Temple Black, was the first big child star giving Americans something to be cheerful about in the midst the Great Depression. Temple helped save 20th Century Fox from bankruptcy with such films as Stand Up and Cheer!, Baby Take a Bow, and Bright Eyes in which she sang her iconic "On the Good Ship Lollipop." She was in many movies with stars who should have been bigger than her, but she managed to outshine them all with her charisma and just downright cuteness, but she was also a talented actress and dancer. In her adulthood, after Hollywood, she became involved with politics, and was U.S. ambassador to Czechoslovakia during George H.W. Bush's term. Shirley was married to her husband Charles Black for 50 years, until his death in 2005, together they had two children, Lori and Charles. Shirley had daughter Susan from her first marriage to John Agar. Our thoughts and prayers are with Shirley's family and friends. She will be missed greatly.
An Open Letter to Pharrell
Dear Pharrell,
This hat will never catch on. If you were in Curious George books, you would be known as the Man with the Stupid Hat. Nobody likes this hat, look at poor Sandra Bullock, her head is being dented by it. Please stop.
Love,
Sanity
Kris Jenner's Got Game
Kris Jenner wants to show she's a real homegirl by hanging out with the Game and his entourage, oh yeah and Khloé decided to tag along too. You know, this reminds me of the time me and my mom hung out with Coolio in Las Vegas. I'm not sure what happened but the next morning we woke up in a Spencer's.
Meeting of the Minds
We imagine a conversation between Gwyneth Paltrow and Reese Witherspoon goes something like this
-I'm so great
-Excuse me, but I'm so great
-I'm really great
-D'oh
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Shia LaBeouf is the Charlie Brown of Hollywood
Shia LaBeouf has managed to outdo himself yet again. Just when you thought he couldn't get any more attractive, he shows up with a fashionable bag on his head at the world premiere of his movie Nymphomaniac. Oh trés chic Shia. I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE, what a statement. But you are in fact so famous that photographers are taking pictures of the back of your bagged head. Oh wait, maybe Shia LaBeouf is only wearing a bag over his head because he looks like this now.
Yeah, the bag is definitely a good choice.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Okay, Let's Discuss Dylan Farrow's Bullshit
Okay-so I've been trying to avoid this because let's face it-Mia Farrow is a dried up used tampon and for some reason her shitty kids are all over like dog anuses now-and I hate to give them any publicity-but here we go:
Basically, Dylan Farrow (Mia Farrow and Woody Allen's adopted daughter) accused Woody Allen of molesting her when she was 7 (and Woody Allen and Mia Farrow were married), and of course her mother supports these allegations because she's mother of the year-oh wait-if she knew it was going on, why didn't she say anything 21 fucking years ago? OH YEAH-BECAUSE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN-Woody Allen does the responsible thing and marries the children he's interested in, bitches.
I wouldn't be making jokes about this kind of thing (similar things but not this) if I wasn't 100% positive Dylan Farrow is completely full of shit. I'm not a die-hard Woody Allen fan, but come on-it just doesn't add up...I'm pretty sure a 7 year old could take Woody Allen. Anyway, decide for yourself who you think is telling the truth, I just wanted to say that molesting children is a terrible offense and deserves a human centipede-type punishment, and if someone is just making this shit up (cough, cough-Dylan Farrow) it's just as bad. I am sure a book deal is coming out of this, so get a preview of the dust cover here.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Jay Says Goodnight Tonight
Last night was Jay Leno's final show as host of The Tonight Show. Jay hosted for 22 years taking over duties after Johnny Carson retired. Some of his A list pals with talent, and Kim Kardashian bid him farewell. Good luck Jay. You must be so excited that you can now wear denim all day long!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Anti-Sochi Behavior
So, the Winter Olympics
start today in Sochi, Russia, home of the best tennis player ever!! Yevgeny Kafelnikov. I have to admit, I'm not too excited about seeing the actual games, but am very excited about seeing all the quaint nuances the most expensive Olympic venue in history has to offer. For 51 billion dollars, Sochi will not compromise its interior design style, no-fuss plumbing, yellow drinking water, or uncovered manholes, no matter how many journalists complain! Hey, this is Russia, the world knew what it was getting into, the proof is in the Putin. Okay, that might not really make sense, but I had to do it.
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