R.I.P. Edward Herrmann

Edward Herrmann has died at age 71 after a brave battle with brain cancer.  He was a beloved and talented actor known for Gilmore Girls, Annie, Overboard, and many other roles that showcased his broad range of talent.  Rest in Peace, Edward.

Happy New Year!

 

Be safe, don't be a douche, and have a good one, guys.

And Here is Hulk Hogan Hyping Riff Raff

I uhm, I don't know what to make of this, but if you're in the mood to feel a super sad boner, then please do enjoy this circus.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

 

Stewie Griffin

 

The cutest toddler with the most vascular arms.

 



Screech was Arrested in Wisconsin

 

Via TMZ:

 

Dustin Diamond a.k.a. Screech is behind bars ... after he was arrested for allegedly endangering someone's life at a bar in Wisconsin with a switchblade -- TMZ has learned.

The Ozaukee County Sheriff says Diamond was arrested early Friday morning for possession of a switchblade, reckless endangerment and carrying a concealed weapon.

The bar owner tells us Dustin and his girlfriend were arguing with another couple who was taking their picture from afar ... and claims the wife got physical with the woman before leaving

Oh my...the most surprising part of this story is of course the fact that Screech has a girlfriend.  Well, I couldn't have asked for a better story to get back to work with...thank you Dustin, you weird, sad person, you have reaffirmed my faith in blogging. 

 



MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!! IT'S BREAK TIME

We want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday Season!  We will be back after Christmas to keep you (sorta) up to date on all the fun celebrity bullshit that we depend on to distract from our own lives.  God bless us, Everyone. 

R.I.P. Joe Cocker

 

Legendary musician and all around fucking awesome guy Joe Cocker has passed away at age 70 after a courageous cancer battle.  Dude, you were a true rock star.  Rest in Peace, Joe.

 



HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

James Woods

 

So hot...in so many ways.  We love you, James, babe.

David Schwimmer is Going to Play Robert Kardashian

 

So FX is going to be airing a miniseries, American Crime Story: The People V O.J. Simpson, and not only are we getting treated to Cuba Gooding Jr. as the Juice, but we are also going to be witness to the long-awaited return of DAVID FUCKING SCHWIMMER.  Did my pants just get tight for no reason, or is that MY RAGING ROSS BONER?????

Selena Gomez Should Really Get it Together

 

So basically, if young Hollywood isn't blowing coke off each others asses,  they are having high-school type birthday parties where there is always the pretty popular girl who had too much to drink, and needs to make a huge scene about "how nobody understands her".  That girl was Selena Gomez and it was at Taylor Swift's birthday party.  Now I feel pervy for knowing this much so I'm gonna just go ahead and go back to doing whatever it is I pretend to do at this job.  I am the king of the staplers here and have a grand fort.

You Won't Be Seeing The Interview on DVD or VOD Either

 

So unfortunately for the five James Franco fans left, you will not be able to see The Interview on any medium, according to Sony.  The company does not plan on releasing the movie on DVD or VOD in the near future. 

And What Do You Wear To a Children's Hospital, a Whole Shirt? Puh-leeze!

Yes, yes, the transformation is complete. Kylie Jenner is officially a Kardashian. The youngest of the Gypsy brood visited Children's Hospital Los Angeles with her boyfriend Tyga.  I wonder if he goes by Tyga on the Sex Offender registry, since he's 25, and Kylie is only 17, but I guess in Kardashian years, the math's a little different. Anywhooo, these two brought some gifts and a possible peep show to the poor kids in the hospital. It may be one of the first time that the patients have to wear protective clothing to shield them from all the diseases the guests have.

I Don't Think So, Kathie Lee

 

So now Kathie Lee Gifford, or as I like to call her, Drunky the Post-menapausal Clown, is now jumping on the Bill Cosby bandwagon, claiming he tried to kiss her.  Of course, this allegedly took place in the 70's before she started to melt.   These women that are coming forward are starting to look more and more like a who's who of sad, old circus folk who desperately need the attention of a world that stopped caring about them decades ago.  Welcome to the parade of lost souls...it's gross.

A Little Christmas Cheer from Our Favorite Queen

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Michael Keaton

He will always be Batman.

I Love This

If I was a five-months pregnant woman wrapping presents for charity, royal or not, you best believe if you told me to keep wrapping, I would not just roll my eyes at you.  You go, knocked-up princess lady.  

What the Actual Goddam FUCK?

If I told you that this guy skinned and ate his ex-girlfriend's pet bunny, chronicled the whole thing with photos, which he sent to his ex-girlfriend and then threatened to do the same to her, you probably wouldn't be surprised.  I mean-he has that psycho too-big face look that screams animal cruelty.  Anyway-that's what happened and this psychopath is some douche from Sons of Anarchy.  His name is Dimitri Diatchenko and I think we can all agree that he's going straight to hell.  Good luck asshole.  And fuck you.  

Leonardo Dicaprio Goes Through Victoria's Secret Models Like Underwear

Minus the skid marks we hope. Leo has broken up with yet another model from his bench. This time it's Toni Garrn. Before that it was, hmm, let's see Erin Heatherton, Anne V, Bar Rafaeli, Gisele, and who the hell knows how many others. Now that Adam Levine is actually married to one, where will these models go after Leo? Oh, that's right, next stop Bieberville.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Judge Wapner

May we approach the bench? Grrrr

Ladies Everywhere Let Out a Sigh of Relief

I am the child of Mark Cuban and Quentin Tarantino

Well played, Phoenix. In an effort to "spice up his story" and get the audience at The Late Show with David Letterman to like him, Joaquin Phoenix said that he was engaged to his yoga instructor, going so far as revealing how they met at a class where she demonstrated the move "harnessing the hog" (?) on him.  But on Good Morning America Tuesday morning, he revealed he had made the whole story up to seem more interesting and likeable. While there is nothing more boring or unlikeable than a man engaged to his yoga instructor, there is nothing more interesting or likeable than a man who lies about being engaged to his yoga instructor. Ooh, plot twist!

Kate Middleton & Prince Harry go to NBA Game; Discover Black People

 

Ah yes, and you see over there, darling?  There's another.

 

Smashing.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Brendan Fraser

 

Yep, seems right.


Why Hello, Miss Jenner, May I take Your Hat and Coat?

 

I do declare, Miss Jenner that you are the prettiest flower that ever bloomed in these woods.  Do me the honor of letting me escort you to the governor's ball.  I would be the happiest dandy in all the land and I will buy you chewing gum and a mink sling for your penis shavings.

R.I.P. Bobby Keys

Via Rolling Stone:

Bobby Keys, the larger-than-life saxophone player who toured with the Rolling Stones for more than 45 years and played on studio classics like "Brown Sugar" and "Live With Me," has passed away. He was 70.

"If you believe in the magic of rock & roll, which I devoutly do, it isn't in the individual," Keys told Rolling Stone in 2012. "I’ve played in bands with A-team players around, but unless they can play together, it doesn’t do any good."

"The Rolling Stones are devastated by the loss of their very dear friend and legendary saxophone player, Bobby Keys," the band said in a statement. "Bobby made a unique musical contribution to the band since the 1960s. He will be greatly missed."

Rock on, Man.  

Oh Good, Now this one is Naked

Kourtney Kardashian posed nude for Dujour Magazine because if there is one thing guys are clamoring for, it's a naked pregnant woman who is notorious for her perma-PMS.  MmmHmmm this one is going right next to the old stack of Playboys from 1978 that I have simply labeled "Bush".

Thank you Kourtney, you have replaced "naked grandma" as the anti-boner in millions of middle school boys heads when they go up to the chalkboard.

Scarlett Johansson Got Married

 

 She is now the happy beard wife of the man in the velvet suit.  Mazel.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Mark Bittman

Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'?

Snooki Got Married

 

And it was a Gatsby-themed wedding, you know, because that's her favorite book of all time and she tots knows how to read you guys.  I once saw her spell herpes at Planned Parenthood.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! WE'RE GOING ON BREAK!

We want to wish all of our readers a happy and safe Thanksgiving.  Don't worry, we'll be back to our acclaimed entertainment journalism and dick jokes on Monday. 

 



Here's Roseanne Barr Trying to Be Funny? I Think?

 

So Roseanne Barr got a chemical peel and then made a kind of joke about Bill Cosby beating her up.  Because she's a classy broad and oh-so-topical. 

 

 

She saddens me.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Superintendent Chalmers

He sure is super hot!

You Guys See it too, Right?

The American Music Awards Happened

Didn't watch, didn't care and if these are the faces of talent in the music industry today, I'm going back to playing my spoons on the porch in between my whittlings.  

Tasteless Entertainment:  The blog that brings half-assed journalism right to your face.  Kind of. 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Louis C.K.

Why the dick not?

Oh Hello There, Katy Perry's Cleavage, and Good Day

 

Aww she wants to "break the internet" too...isn't that adorbs? Well, she's trying and that's all that matters in the participation ribbon world we live in. 

 

 

Shine on you crazy diamond.

R.I.P. Mike Nichols

 

 

Academy Award and Tony Award winning director Mike Nichols has died at age 83.  The word "legendary" is thrown around a lot, but this guy deserves the title.  His movies are so loved and ubiquitous in our culture, and he seemed like such a down to earth guy.  Playwright Tom Stoppard described him perfectly:

 

"He’s good at comfort and joy. He’s good at improving the shining hour and brightening the dark one, and, of course, he’s superlative fun. To me he is the best of America”

 

Rest in Peace and God Bless.


Now Skeletor Skank is in on This

Okay, we've remained pretty silent through this Penn State-esque media circus surrounding Bill Cosby and the allegations of rape, but this is getting ri-goddam-diculous...now Janice Dickinson is in on the bullshit.  Via her stupid mouth (which is being taken seriously, WHY?):

Dickinson says they had dinner in Lake Tahoe, and claims that he gave her a glass of red wine and a pill, which she asked for because she was menstruating and had stomach pains.

And that's when she tells ET that things took a disturbing turn.

"The next morning I woke up, and I wasn't wearing my pajamas, and I remember before I passed out that I had been sexually assaulted by this man," she tells ET. "... Before I woke up in the morning, the last thing I remember was Bill Cosby in a patchwork robe, dropping his robe and getting on top of me. And I remember a lot of pain. The next morning I remember waking up with my pajamas off and there was semen in between my legs."

Dickinson also says she tried to write about the assault in her 2002 autobiography No Lifeguard on Duty: The Accidental Life of the World's First Supermodel, but claims that when she submitted a draft with her full story to HarperCollins, Cosby and his lawyers pressured her and the publisher to remove the details.

"I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do, and it happened to me, and this is the true story," she says about coming out with her story now. "I believe all the other women."

Dickinson says that keeping the alleged sexual assault a secret for 32 years drove her to a life of hurting herself.

First off, I want to go on the record as saying that if Jell-O Pudding Bill Cosby sex is what caused Janice Dickinson to be the crab-person she is today, then she clearly needs to get acquainted with herself.  Lest we forget...this woman hasn't been fully conscious since 1982. Fucking Bill Cosby would be the purest thing she ever did (not counting cocaine).  Second, most of the allegations are probably bullshit, which wouldn't get us so mad except for the fact that it makes a mockery of a serious matter.  In closing, fuck you, Dickinson.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Gretchen Wieners

You CAN sit with us.

Stop it, Chelsea Handler. Just Fucking Stop it.

 

Above is a shot of Chelsea Handler's middle aged ass because she thinks it's hilarious to mimic Kim Kardashian's professional photo shoot even though nothing about this looks like a parody.  It just looks like a sad, loose reminder that we let this person become famous.  Actually-the only reason Chelsea Handler is famous is because she banged the head of E!, so those two gals have A LOT to talk about.

R.I.P. Diem Brown

 

After a courageous battle with cancer, MTV star Diem Brown has died at age 32.  She was a beautiful inspiration to many dealing with cancer, and we are truly sad to hear of her passing. 

 

Rest in Peace, angel.  



HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Vera from Alice

Who doesn't love a jumpy waitress?

Gwyneth Paltrow Puts $5,000 Gold Juicer on Website's Holiday Wishlist

Well, it's actually only $4,739, so if you can't afford that, then you don't deserve to have freshly sqeezed oranges! Real talk!

Here's An Ass...and Her Gigantic Butt

 

Just...why is she so wet?  And why is she coming out of a garbage bag?  The questions...they haunt me.

Happy Veteran's Day!

Remember, if you have a veteran in your life, thank them for their service.  We here at Tasteless Entertainment offer our thanks to all the men and women who put their lives on the line to protect us and our freedoms.

On a related note, if you're looking for a great charity to give to this holiday season, please consider The Wounded Warrior Project.  They are an amazing charity for injured veterans and they do great work.  

Thank you. 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

The UPS Guy from Legally Blonde

Snappy!

Dear Parents, Don't Do This

Ick, ick, ick! Not only do the Duggars continue to shit all over my Us Weekly with their weirdo weddings (really, save it for Guideposts  or Soldier of Fortune, I like my Us quick and dirty) but now they have shit all over my breakfast with this photo that the most recently married off Jessa made public. It's of her parents. They texted it to her. It's mimicking an instagram photo Jessa posted of she and her new husband. Her father's name is Jim Bob.

Andy Dick Arrested; Related: Birds go Tweet

 

 Okay, so it looks like Andy Dick was arrested for grand theft because why he exists now.  That, and to be Kim Zolciak's stunt double.  Or Kim Zolciak.  Anyway he stole a fucking necklace so it all makes sense. 

Well This Seems Like a Terrible Fucking Idea

So apparently Heidi Montag has offered to shelter a homeless Amanda Bynes because she's the type of house guest that totally won't stab you in your sleep just to get to your cleaning supplies and huff all your Ajax.  Tots not.  Via UsMagazine:

That's what friends are for?! Heidi Montag reached out to Amanda Bynes after the troubled actress fell asleep on a mall couch and tweeted she has no place to stay.

"I was not given money for a hotel so I have been staying with friends and I didn't get enough sleep last night so I fell asleep on a couch at the beverly center and a paparazzi snuck in and took pictures of me FYI!" the former Nickelodeon star tweeted on Thursday. Nov. 6, after TMZ released photos of her dozing off at the Los Angeles mall. "I hate my parents for still not giving me money for a hotel. What is wrong with them? My lawyer is working to have them fully removed from being my conservator because they don't deserve control over my money -- They are miserable in their life and I will fight to get control of my finances taken away from them!" Bynes continued in a series of tweets.

Following the actress' rant, Montag then offered: "@amandabynes you are more then welcome to crash in our guest house in Santa Barbara if you need somewhere to stay! DM me!"

Well that's all just fantastic.  I think it's super cute that Amanda Bynes thinks she has a lawyer when we all know there's some sort of Shutter Island thing happening here.  Or the Matrix.  You know what?  Let's just call it even and call it the Goonies.  There's some Goonies shit happening here.

Sure, Why Not?

 

Miley Cyrus is dating Patrick Schwarzenegger, because why the hell not?  *insert Arnold Schwarzenegger joke here because quite frankly I'm too tired to think of one and why the hell should I be doing all the work any way?  You guys are grown ups and it's high time you took some goddam responsibility.  I'm sorry, I love you and I've had a bad week-tell you what, why don't I take you out for ice cream after work?  Just you and me-that sound good?  Okay, good.*

 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Ben Roethlisberger

Yeah baby!!

AC/DC Drummer is Fucking Insane; Arrested for Trying to Procure Two Murders

Via CNN:

(CNN) -- Phil Rudd, the drummer for legendary hard rock band AC/DC, has been charged with attempting to have two men killed.

The 60-year-old appeared in a New Zealand court Thursday afternoon facing a count of attempting to procure the murder of two men, said Bay of Plenty district's police spokesperson, Kim Perks.

He was also charged with threatening to kill, possession of methamphetamine and possession of cannabis, Perks said.

The names of the men he allegedly wanted killed and the name of the alleged potential hitman are suppressed, CNN affiliate TVNZ reported.

Rudd entered no plea to the charges at the Tauranga District Court, and was bailed until November 27, local media reported.

Police searched Rudd's waterfront home in Tauranga on Thursday morning, TVNZ reported.

What the actual goddam fuck?  

Jessica Biel is Knocked Up

Somehow, through science, I guess or witchcraft...Justin Timberlake's vagina produced that stuff that makes babies and now this is happening.  Congratulations to the two new mommies.

R.I.P. Tom Magliozzi

 

I'm not sure how many of you guys are Car Talk fans, but some of my best memories are of my dad listening to these two knuckleheads talking cars and cracking us up.  I was really bummed to hear of Tom Magliozzi's passing at age 77.  Rest in Peace, Tappet brother, you made my weekends great as a kid, and helped a lot of people not get screwed over.  Much love, and God Bless.