Kelsey Grammar is Such a Great Dad, You Guys...

Because everyone deserves to see what their future occupation will be, Kelsey Grammar took his three month old daughter to a Playboy Halloween party the other day, but he tots had a good reason for surrounding his infant with top-notch tits, via UsWeekly:

"Kayte is breast-feeding and we do not have a nanny or a trusted baby-sitter at this time, so Faith goes everywhere with us," the actor said in a statement to USA Today. "We enjoyed the party with a few of our friends, the baby slept as her ears were covered the entire time and we left shortly after midnight."
SEE???  Her ears were covered, and they couldn't find good help.  Gaawwll...

Kelsey Grammer; American Treasure (with a twist of Faux British douche).  "Doo-doo Tossed salad and scrambled eggs"...

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Linus from It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

 

Definitly the hunk of the Peanuts gang...HAPPY HALLOWEEN!



Village Idiot Convention Held in Miami This Year

Wow, this is bigger than last year's.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Mr. Chase from My So-Called Life

Forget Jordan Catalano, Angela's father, played by Tom Irwin, was the real deal!

Celebrities React to Hurricane Sandy Via Twitter; They Shouldn't

Lindsay Lohan seems to think that the hurricane is not a force of nature but rather a catty rival: "WHY is everyone in SUCH a panic about hurricane (i'm calling it Sally). .? Stop projectin negativity! Think positive and pray for peace"  Take that Sandy! You're so off Lindsay's radar, she don't even know yo name!

Kirstie Alley meanwhile wants to communicate with the state of Maine: "hello Maine . . . Is the storm hitting around Camden Maine?? thank you" If you think that's bad, you should see Kirstie in front of the Maine Welcomes You sign on the highway.
Just because Larry King doesn't do his
CNN show anymore, doesn't mean he's stopped  asking
good questions: "Is #Sandy a boy or a girl?" We're gonna go
with Sandy being the first transgendered hurricane

Olivia Wilde thinks this whole natural disaster thing is just a social media conspiracy: "Were there this many hurricanes before Twitter? #justsayin" Were there this many stupid celebrities before Twitter?

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Elaine Benes from Seinfeld

Played by the outstanding Julia Louis-Dreyfus, this scrappy city gal could hang with the boys and still be a lady. 

Joe Simpson was Gay this Whole Time? Get Outta Town...

This guy? Naahhh.

According to Fox.com, there is speculation that the reason for Joe and Tina Simpson's divorce may have something to do with Joe announcing he is gay.  So, keep in mind, it's just speculation...ya know, like speculation there was never a moon landing, or speculation that Obama wasn't born in America.  So you see where this is going...

Get in line, boys, Papa Joe don't likes to be's kept waitin' YEE-HAW!

BREAKING: Anti-Smoking Dick Nozzles Trying to Control Christmas Now

"Bitch ain't takin' my Luckies..."


Because according to Grifton and Scratch, smoking will lead you on a path of hellfire and NO new skates under the tree, Timmy, they have released an edited version of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas."  The line "stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth/And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath" has been cut out,  because it's totally cool now to cut the balls off of a famous poem that was written in 1822.  Here's the thing: this lady, Pamela McColl is the one responisble for this unnecessary waste of $200,000 (cost of editing out the line), and she did it because she is one of those ex-smokers who think that the world has changed so deeply because they quit, and everyone else should too meh.  What happens though, is that now everyone just sees what an uptight dick this lady is, and get (rightly) pissed that a classic piece of literature has been raped.  And Santa doesn't even get to smoke afterward.

We Need to Keep an Eye on Cameron Diaz

This is the exact same outfit my Aunt Libby wore the day we had to commit her to a mental institution. From the looks of it Kerry Washington might also be on her way to Crazyville.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Elvira

It doesn't have to be Halloween time to appreciate this lovely lady, but it helps

Seal is Dating Demi Moore! (Maybe, we're not really sure, but she looks like Demi, right?)

Seal was spotted with an unidentified woman who looks an awful lot like Demi Moore, at a Halloween party in Los Angeles. She was trying to dress up like Kobe Bryant, but that costume isn't fooling anyone. I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say, Seal and Demi are dating (maybe, but yeah that's probably not her, I guess).

R.I.P. Natina Reed

Natina Reed, from the R&B group Blacque, and who played Gabrielle Union's sassy sidekick in  2000's Bring It On was struck and killed by a car Friday night in Atlanta. The driver of the car immediately called 911, and Natina was taken to a local hospital where she was pronounced dead. She was 32 years old. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family and friends of this very talented young woman.

The Creepiest Costume Award Goes To....

Emma Roberts as Her Prostitution Whore Aunt Julia in Pretty Woman

This outfit was inappropriate on Toddlers and Tiaras and it is doubly inappropriate on you Miss Emma.

Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough Dress Up As Bonnie n' Bonnie for Halloween

He's just too pretty

Cheryl Cole Wants People to Stop Calling Her Fat; Also, Denzel Washington Wants People to Stop Calling Him White

In the December Issue of Glamour UK, Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole says she is sick of being bullied about her weight. "You can't call someone who's a size 6 fat. An average woman is a size 10 to 12, so if you're calling me fat because I'm a size 6, and have never even been bigger than an 8, you're causing women some serious issues." So just to be clear the rules are, size 8 and under CANNOT be called fat, but anything over that CAN be called fat. Well that doesn't really sound right, but just as long as Cheryl feels good, that's all I care about.  We're not exactly sure who is calling Cheryl Cole fat, but I'm pretty sure it's probably just the voice in her head (Cheryl "Nat King Sized "Cole) and in her mirror (Cheryl "All you're gettin' for Christmas is" Cole). The girl has got may-ja issues. 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Dr. Jason Seaver from Growing Pains

Show me that smile again, and again!

BREAKING: Justin Timberlake's Friend Likes to Make fun of the Homeless

"How can you be mad at me?  I tots brought sexy back, then married a DUDE!."

Justin Timberlake's friend, L.A. realtor Justin Huchel (realtor, I see the irony now) thought it would be, like, Dick in a Box funny to produce a joke video featuring homeless folks extending their congratulations to newly married couple Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel entitled "Greetings from Your Hollywood Friends Who Just Couldn't Make It."  Justin Timberlake has since apologized (I'm not sure to whom, did he apologize to the homeless people?) for the video, saying he "doesn't defend it."  Via UsWeekly:

"I don't live my life making fun of people (unless, of course, I'm making fun of myself on SNL)," the "Dick in a Box" performer continues. "Especially, those who are less fortunate or those in need. I grew up with a family and community that instilled ideals in me like hard work, honesty and empathy. As a matter of fact, growing up in Tennessee, I was always taught that we as people, no matter what your race, sex, or stature may be, are equal."
So, basically he defended himself in his "open letter"  (because homeless people totally get WiFi right?)  and says what a jolly good chap he is, and how he has these good southern roots that teach him empathy...all while managing to slip in that he only makes fun of himself on SNL.  Because, you know, he's a good sport.  Brother...
Woulda been shorter to just tell them to Cry Him A River...Hey-OH! *tries to poke coworker in ribs, notices no one is there, eats box of 9 month old Thin Mints*

Lucky Magazine Manages to Make Britney Spears Seem MORE Mentally Retarded

Oh look, she done got the wig on all by herself...

In an interview with Lucky Magazine,  special person Britney Spears got the chance to "open up", and while I'm not privy to the whole article, the excerpts I saw look like something Geri would say from  The Facts of Life,  only not as coherent.  Some excerpts via Us Weekly:

"I really just wear mascara all the time," "I get, like, these giant boxes of lip gloss and nail polish, and it's like candy."

"We play Candy Land. Last night we read The Night Pirates."

"But I'd also be there behind the curtain saying, 'No, don't go out there.'"

For God's sake, people, the girl eats makeup, plays Candyland, and hides behind curtains...AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE A SHOW ON TLC??  What kind of world am I living in?

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Captain Planet

 

This buff blue mega-hero has saved our planet, and many a-ladies's lonely nights



Are You As Excited as Me About the New Jem Dolls?!!

Well, you should be!

Oh Good, Now there's gonna be a Song about Conor Kennedy

According to the New York Daily News serial high school student toucher, Taylor Swift and her victim have broken up, because of "distance." 

"Yes, yes, distance," said Ethel Kennedy while hiding the bloody labotomy tool, and kicking something labeled "idiot faux country singer frontal lobe" under her bed.  "Distance will do nicely".

Lena Dunham is a Huge Asshole; Hates Canada

In "offensive to all five senses" news, that thing pictured above made a huge jackass of her/his-self on Twitter, saying she wanted to dress up like a victim of Canadien serial killers Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka for Halloween.  To make matters even worse, she twatted this to the other two members of the Trio of Unfunny Terror...Mindy Kahling and B.J. Novak.  She has since "apologized" for her stupid-as-fuck attempt at humor after a severe Twitter backlash. 

The thing is, offensive comedy, done well, is  funny, and I'm  the first one to defend Gilbert Gottfried when he says, well, basically anything, but there's something about the way this entitled hipster offspring is that makes it remarkably unfunny and terribly offensive.  So basically, she ruined shock humor and she offended Canada and that's enough for me to want her deported.  I hear Syria is so nice this time of year...

Just say the word, Canada.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Rochelle from Everybody Hates Chris

Played to perfection by Tichina Arnold, Everybody loves this sassy mother!

Raise Your Hand if You Like Guys?

Chace Crawford Has Hard Time Socializing With People Who Aren't White

-Hey Diddy, how's it hangin?

-Nah, Man, I ain't Diddy.

-Oh yeah, I mean Jay-Z, how's Beyonce? She's a doll.

-Nah, Man, I ain't Jay neither

-Tina Turner?

-Nah, Man, I'm Kanye West

-Wait a minute, whahhh?

Jessica Simpson's Parents are gettin' a dang ol' DEE-vorce

"Is it cuz I talked about our daughter's tits?  Gawl...you never let that one GO!"

American sweethearts Tina and Joe Simpson have announced that they are divorcing, according to Us Weekly.  They are soooo copying Kristen Stewart's parents you guys...what's next?  Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner?  Psshh...

CELEBRITY PARENT DIVORCES: THE NEW SHAM MARRIAGE

BREAKING: Kim Kardashian WILL Make you Look at Her

That's Kim Kardashian in a bra, sweatpants, and fair amount of Photoshop blur tool trying to prove that even in sweatpants she will haunt your nightmares. 

P.S. check out the empty outfit at back left...did the person wearing it evaporate into vapid air?

Justin Timberlake Jumps for Joy While Beard Looks On...

"Oh isn't he cute?  Jumping around, making a spectacle, giving the waiters our room key...HEY WAIT A MINUTE..."

Because "private nuptials" means selling your "wedding album" to People for a shit ton of cash, here is the picture Jessica Biel will look at a year from now while thinking "how did I not see it?"

Sham Weddings: Not just for the Kardashians anymore

HOTTIE OF THE DAY

 

Alex Mack from  The Secret World of Alex Mack 

 

 

Secretly sassy

Eva and Mark Are No Longoria Doing the Dirty Sanchez

See what I did there? Classic. Seriously though, I'm sad to report that Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez have split up after posing for the paparazzi together for several months. I really thought these two would last because they're both Mexican, and . . . they both have brown hair, probably because they're both Mexican. . . and um, they are both, uh....damnit, I'm out. 

Can We Please Stop Humoring Taylor Swift?

"Drrrr I just lost to this in Scrabble."

Because according to People if you have an antique feature on your iPhone and a Twitter account, you are an artist, they featured a series of Swifty photographs that if nothing else, just prove she is an eighty year old ghost...or special.  I'm going with "special."

"Hehe my nails match the antique lace on my changepurse that my mom says I can't take ta school, cuz, uhm, I'll get mud on it when I go on da monkey bars."

That's Enough Out of You, LeAnn Rimes

Because someone has given her the impression that anyone gives a fuck (I'm lookin' at YOU Couric), Leann Rimes has opened up about her voluntary rehab stint to the one-time journalist Katie Couric.  Here are some insipid quotes from the interview:

"I feel like I am starting over even though I've had all these years behind me"

"How many people get to [start] over in this day and age?"

“People look at you and go, 'Why are you struggling?' … No one can quite understand why you hurt so badly”

"It's hard to take it day after day of reading and seeing things that someone you don't even know says about you. As much as you said you don't want it to penetrate, it does, because you're human"

Ok...seriously Skeletor McShinforaface?  How many people get to start over in this day and age?  You mean in the day and age where Lindsay Lohan has had like, 300 DUI's and still gets movie deals?  Is that the day and age you're talking about?  If you're a celebrity, you could literally leave a bag of flaming poop on the White House steps, and still get a show on Bravo.  Next: She's struggling?  She went to Rehab for anxiety over something someone said about her on Twitter...I'm sure there's a grizzled Vietnam veteran somewhere who would like to hear that compared with Charlie being responsible for blowing his best friend's head off.  So yeaahhhh...

CONCLUSION:  She's 30

Barneys Is Messing up My Head About What a Mouse Should Look Like

Barneys New York's window display this upcoming holiday season will feature a model thin version of Minnie Mouse. Many body image experts (I wonder if you have to go to school for that) are upset with the message they think Barneys is sending. I guess the message they're sending is "mice should be thin. Some fat mouse off the street who's been stuffing her face at Epcot will not be fitting into our clothes."  Geez, I've always wanted to look like Minnie Mouse, her cool polka dots and bows, and big shoes and ears, but now I just don't know what to think.

Goddam...Nate Richert looks FIIINEEE

That's Nate Richert...who is in band and apparently also a lone shoreman from the days of  yore.  After "accidentally" taking grandma's glaucoma medicine, I popped open my Sabrina the Teenage Witch box set and have now just emerged from my glory hole to do an update on the very sexy Harvey Kinkle.  So ladies...change your panties because he plays harmonica and sings with his own band and the Michael Starr Band.  Yumm-yyy.

UPDATE: Gave a listen to his song "Broken Bottles"...you know those songs that close out light romantic comedies that aren't by Peter Gabriel?  It's that.

After Years of Wearing Men's Suits, Ellen Finally Gets an Erection

I knew I could do it!

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Sam from Clarissa Explains it All

Who wouldn't want this hot piece climbing into their bedroom window? Na na na na na na. Just Do It.

Separated at Birth

Mitch Kramer

Tim Lincecum

Hulk Hogan is a Raging Douchebag

Pull my finger...BROTHER

First off, let's just clear something up: the Hulk Hogan sex tape was a huge disappointment, and consisted mostly of him complaining like a bulimic teenage girl about how fat he feels.  I kid you not-he actually says "I'm such a fat pig" at one point.  Seriously.

Anywho...besides filing a federal lawsuit for $100 million for "damages to his reputation" ya know, because he had one of those,  the Bloated One has now filed another lawsuit against Bubba the Love Sponge and ex-wife (with whom he filmed the PSA announc-ahem-"sex tape") with.  According to Washed-up Mcbangseverybody, he didn't know he was being filmed.  Goshdarnit, he just thought he was having consensual swinger sex with his best friend's wife, while his best friend waited in another room...like a Real American-jerks. 

CONCLUSION:  At least he was for once not banging someone who looks like/might be his daughter/him in drag.

Is It Just Me, or Does Casey Affleck Look Like a Giddy Schoolgirl Next to Jon Hamm?

Alright Kiddo, let's just settle down a little bit here, you're embarrassing me.

Tasteless Entertainment is Brought to You by All Too Common Scents . . .

R.I.P. Russell Means (1939-2012)

Last of the Mohicans actor and Native American activist Russell Means passed away today at his ranch in South Dakota.  A quote from the amazing man:   "I'm not going to argue with the Great Mystery," Lakota belief is that death is a change of worlds. And I believe like my dad believed. When it's my time to go, it's my time to go."
God Bless,  Russell. 

Annoying Girl from Glee is Pregnant...or fat-your call

"Twill be a baby of pitchy vocals and baboon physicality, sayeth the elders."

Lea Michele was spotted with a supposed baby bump in California the other day, and although she twatted that the pregnancy was fake, I must say, if you squint your eyes, you can totally see a fetus fighting for its way outta there...
  "She's. SO. Fucking. PRETENTIOUS...c'mon lemme out-I won't tell the Republicans!!!"

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Daisy Duke from The Dukes of Hazzard

Ain't Nothin' like the real thang, and nobody fills out those Daisy Dukes better than Catherine Bach

Hey Brandy, I'm Not Positive, But I Think Your Fly is Down. . . And On Backwards

Liam Hemsworth Takes Miley Trick-or Treating a Week Too Early

Ughh, don't you hate when that happens, when you get the dates all confused. Looks like Miley will have to break out her "The Nanny goes to Iraq" costume next week.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants

He may be a pitcher, but Timmy never strikes out with the ladies