Ramona Singer Filed for Divorce

 

Ramona Singer, of The Real Housewives of New York City has filed for divorce from her husband, Mario.  I'm not sure how many of you guys watch the TRHONYC, but I thought I would pass it along so you have something to talk to your girlfriend about when she's  trying on dresses or washing her boobs or whatever it is girls do when they talk.  I just saved you a fight.  YOU'RE WELCOME.

And This-Boys and Girls, is the Dumbass Face of Hubris

 

 Hello and welcome to "I was too stoned to realize this happened earlier"...apparently, Taylor Swift thought she won album of the year at the Grammy Awards, which actually went to Daft Punk.  So, just remember, kids-don't ever expect to win anything, because this will be you, and your closest supporter will be this oddly shocked man..."oooh that's a kick to the nuts-damn you robot heads.  Damn kids."

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Peter Ustinov as Hercule Poirot

What a babe!

R.I.P. Pete Seeger

Pete Seeger, one of the most influential folk singers passed away Monday at the age of 94. Seeger is best known for songs "Where Have All the Flowers Gone" "If I had a Hammer" and "Turn, Turn, Turn" which gained increased poplularity when it was covered by the Byrds in 1965. Seeger lived his life to the fullest, and continued to perform until recently. Our thoughts and prayers are with his friends and family.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Grizzly Adams

 

Rowwwrr.

The Grammy Awards Happened

 

I didn't watch because Downton Abbey isn't going to jerk off to itself (Oh Dowager Maggie Smith, you never cease to amaze me) but here is a taste of what it had in store for everyone...sweat-lots of rich sweat.

Solange Knowles is Fucking Crazy!!!

I don't care if you are Beyoncé's little sister, you CANNOT wear a shirt and skirt in matching roaches. Ughh, just typing that word makes my skin crawl. You have to be insane to wear this. Kelly Rowland looks good though, she finally figured out the better Knowles sister to be standing next to when getting your picture taken.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Jason Kennedy from E! News

This Kennedy's curse is to be devestatingly handsome!

Too Fast, Too Drunk: Justin Bieber Arrested for DUI and Drag Racing

What a MO-ron! Justin Bieber was arrested early Thursday morning in Miami Beach. He was pulled over for speeding after leaving a club, and then proceded to fail a sobriety test. After initially being pulled over, Bieber was not cooperative, questioning why he was stopped, at which point the police officer smelled alcohol on the pop tart. Bieber was arrested for resisting without violence, then at the station, they determined he was under the influence. He admitted to smoking marijuana, driniking, and taking prescription pills. You know Justin, I used to feel sorry for you, but you are a total menace unleashed on us by Canada, full of bad music and lethal driving. Seriously, you could have killed someone! 

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!

 

I can't fucking believe this shit...

THE CAPTAIN & TENNILLE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE.  People-if they couldn't make it, what chance do any of us assholes have?  Via TMZ: 

Toni (Tennille) filed legal docs in Arizona, claiming the marriage was "irretrievably broken."  They've been married for 39 years.

If you don't know ... you should.  They had a string of hits in the 70s, including "Love Will Keep Us Together," "Muskrat Love" and  "Do that to Me One More Time."

They were discovered by Neil Sedaka at The SmokeHouse restaurant in Burbank, near NBC.

Daryl Dragon (The Captain) is 71.  Yeah, it's Dragon.

Daryl tells TMZ ... "I don't know why she filed.  I gotta figure it out for myself first."  He also said they're still living together in the same house.

According to the divorce docs, obtained by TMZ, there's special mention about health insurance coverage, and that seems relevant, because in 2009 Toni blogged that Daryl had been diagnosed with Parkinson's.   In 2011 Toni updated the message, saying Daryl's tremors were so bad he was embarrassed to go out in public ... to restaurants, the movies, etc.

Here's what's unclear -- whether it's possible Toni really filed for health insurance reasons ... whether his coverage might be better if they were divorced.

The blog has an update on Jan 16, 2014, saying "The Captain & Tennille appeared to the public as them being the ideal model for a 'rock-solid' married pair.   But almost all people naturally evolve over time, & sometimes hidden feelings start to be uncovered ..."

I don't know what to think anymore...I guess the 70's were just a big fat lie.  Weren't they?  WEREN'T THEY???   Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go do some blow off of a mirror ball for old times sake.  Okay okay-it's Pez, off of the neighbor kid's kickball.  Jimmy will never now.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Dr. Sebagh from Cindy Crawford Meaningful Beauty Infomercial

We sure do like his melons

Without a Trace

(photo courtesy of knixcountr.com)

We are definitely a little late on this story, but we wanted to give it our full journalistic attention in tackling it, or we were splayed out on our couch in our hidey-hole watching re-runs of Designing Women and eating Pirate Booty. Believe what you want. Anywhoo, Trace Adkins, under the arrow up there, he's a country singer but known to most people above Mason-Dixon as winner of Celebrity All-Star Apprentice. Well Trace, got into a fight with his impersonator, next to him up there, known to most people everywhere as a weirdo. Apparently, Trace and his impersonator have had some issues in the past, and they were recently stuck on a Country Cruise ship together. Not sure why you would need an impersonator if you had the real thing, but whatever. Apparently Trace is a recovering alcoholic and had some drinks on the ship before his fight with himself. He was so distraught, he abandoned ship in Jamaica to do some rehab. Now his fans who were left on the ship are upset that the only consolation they get for Trace leaving are free concert tickets and watered-down well drinks. The cruise should have been smarter in this situation--make the impersonator really earn his money and perform as Trace, and serve free not-watered down well drinks, and nobody would have even noticed Trace was gone.

The Gosselin Twins are Back...The Apocalypse in Nigh

"So you wanna make mama look bad huh?  Well I know a certain Lohan who has room in her basement.  SMILE DAMMIT!"

Because apparently now, when you have one weird interview on a major daytime show, that will warrant OTHER interviews, even though seemingly nothing is being promoted...AMERICA FUCK YEAH...Kate Gosselin's white wine zombie mom corpse dragged her twins to The View to discuss the previous interview.  (Seriously.)  Via Us Weekly:

"What do you guys like to do?" inquired Whoopi Goldberg. "Tell me -- don't look at her -- pretend she's not here," the comedian continued as she motioned toward Kate, 38.

The conversation then took a serious turn to the topic of Kate and Jon Gosselin's bitter and public divorce back in 2009: "When I was in my twenties, my parents went through a divorce," confessed Jenny McCarthy. "It was really hard at age 20, how did you guys handle watching your parents go through a divorce but also watching it happen in front of everyone?" she asked the girls, who gazed at each other and bursted out into giggles.

Although most of the discussion remained lively and animated, the two became tongue-tied once again when their father Jon, 36, was mentioned Monday. "Do you see your father, too?" asked Walters. 

"Um," responded Mady as she gave her mother an uncomfortable smile as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Answer," prodded Kate. Both daughters gave their mother the same uncomfortable blank stares from the Today show last week during a sit-down with Savannah Guthrie. Kate just shrugged her shoulders and made a face in response.

Okay, so clearly, these girls need help and nobody is giving it to them.  10-1 bet that the other children have already escaped the compound via a knotted series of bed sheets and these two were the lookout.  That's why Kate keeps dragging them around, because she will be goddammed if she loses another meal ticket-even if they continually make her look like a giant jackass on television.  Because she feeds on television...any kind of television.  When she goes o Best Buy and sees herself on the security cam, she somehow impregnates herself.  I done seen it.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Chuck Cunningham

The vanished, older Cunningham brother from Happy Days...Lest we forget.

This Darlin' Done Worked the Typin' Machine and Wrote Hersself a Book

Buy it and help send her cats to college, or don't buy it-we can pretend we never had this conversation.  Either way, boobs.  

Johnny Depp is Engaged to Bi-Sexual; Did I Just Hear Every Woman Ever Weep?

 

So according to Us Weekly, Johnny Depp (50) and Amber Heard (27) are engaged-which might be what made Vanessa Paradis get that Lionel Richie hairdo the other day.   

"Oh non mon ex-huzband is engaged now to confoozed and lezbieen Americain whore?  What will I do now?  Oh hellloo Brillo Pad-please do let me bring you az model in salon.  Bibliotech."

-Vanessa Paradis; actual quote. 

R.I.P. Russell Johnson

 

Russell Johnson, better known as the sexy Professor on Gilligan's Island, has passed away at the age of 89. 

 

 

Bon Voyage and God bless, Professor-you will be missed.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

The Barefoot Contessa

Feel free to take off more than just your socks!

Oscar's Nominations Are Out

It's basically a lot of the same garbage as last year. Garbage we love, don't get us wrong. All you need to know is stay away from Oprah!

• Best picture

American Hustle

Captain Phillips

Dallas Buyers Club

Gravity

Her

Nebraska

Philomena

The Wolf of Wall Street

12 Years a Slave

• Best actor

Christian Bale, American Hustle

Bruce Dern, Nebraska

Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street

Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years a Slave

• Best actress

Amy Adams, American Hustle

Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

Sandra Bullock, Gravity

Judi Dench, Philomena

Meryl Streep, August: Osage County

• Best supporting actor

Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips

Bradley Cooper, American Hustle

Michael Fassbender, 12 Years a Slave

Jonah Hill, The Wolf of Wall Street

Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

• Best supporting actress

Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine

Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle

Lupita Nyong'o, 12 Years a Slave

Julia Roberts, August: Osage County

June Squibb, Nebraska

(courtesy USA TODAY)

Oh Dear

Inspired by Bradley Cooper's Oscar nominated role in American Hustle, Johnny Depp's Ex, Vanessa Paradis has chopped her hair short, died it brown, and got herself a PERM. Wow, Nessie is French, so perhaps she is on the cutting edge of what's next, or maybe she's just insane . . . hmm. Can't decide. But how much you wanna bet Kanye makes Kim go out and get a perm now?

If You Want the World to Know You're Not a Douche, Just Ask Your 13-Year-Old Daughters to Speak on Your Behalf. Great Idea!

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/kate-gosselin-scolds-twins-during-today-show-interview-for-not-talking-spit-it-out-2014161

So most parents know, 13 isn't exactly when your kids are going to be the most charming, but Kate Gosselin should especially know this, since her personality is the personification of a forever petulant 13-year-old herself. She took the twin division of her plant to speak on The Today Show about how great their life really is, and it didn't go that well. Check out the link above.

You Can Take the Douche out of Canada, But you Can't...Uh-Justin Bieber is a Dick Okay?

So apparently, because he is the unholiest of douche, Justin Bieber egged his neighbor's house the other day, because-why not?  But I am sure he didn't count on getting butt fucked by the incident later-by a big guy named Rick, yes, but not by this.  Via Fox:

How much damage can an egging cause? Apparently about $20,000 if the home that is egged is in the ultra-luxurious neighborhood of Calabasas, Calif., where Justin Bieber lives.

The Los Angeles County Sherriff’s Department raided the home of the bowl-haired-cutie-turned-troublemaker to try and determine if the singer and his friends pelted eggs at a neighbor’s house, causing damage to its façade.
If they determine he did, the 19-year-old may have bigger fish (or eggs) to fry, several lawyers told FOX411. We’ve learned the star could face jail time and even possible deportation—back to Canada.  
“California does not take vandalism lightly. If the damage is $400 or more, the person can be charged with a felony and the person can face anywhere between one to three years in jail, in addition to having to pay fines and penalties,” L.A.-based lawyer Anahita Sedaghatfar told FOX411.
And belieb it or not, Selena Gomez’s on-again-off-again beau isn’t a U.S. citizen, so it turns out he could be forced back to his chilly homeland, worst-case scenario.

And this also happened...

So far, law enforcement has released little information about what was found during the Bieber house raid. His friend Lil Za, whose real name is Xavier Smith, was arrested during the search for a felony narcotics charge. The Sherriff’s Dept. initially identified the drug found as cocaine, but they later said it needed to be tested to determine the exact substance.
After he was arrested, Smith allegedly damaged a phone in a jail booking cell and was charged with felony vandalism. He was released on $70,000 bail at about 8:15 p.m. on Tuesday.

Egging houses and harboring fugitives...looks like Justin Bieber is really growing up.  Sniff...It seems like just yesterday he was just a little cum stain that made his way into creepy middle-aged dude's hearts.  Oh yeah-teenage girls like him too.  Maybe-probably not.  Let's stick with creepy guys.  For Now.

Yeesh...

                  

Apparently, Some 18 year old kid was testing out his racial slurs on Kim Kardashian yesterday, and it did not end all too well.  Via TMZ:

 

Kanye West just attacked an 18-year-old guy inside the waiting room of a chiropractor's office ... after the guy allegedly called Kanye the N-word ... TMZ has learned.

Kim was at a Beverly Hills medical building when she was swarmed by photogs.  We're told the guy allegedly tried to help Kim get in the building, as he started screaming,  "F**k these fa**ot-ass n****rs"" -- referring to the paparazzi.  Kim then told him it was not appropriate to use the N-word.  We're told he then screamed at her, "F**k you bitch.  Just trying to help you.  Shut up n****r lover, stupid slut."

Apparently that got Kim hot as fish grease ... she watched the guy walk into an office.  As they were walking we're told the guy continued berating Kim.  She dialed Kanye on his cell, and when the guy realized Kanye was on the phone he allegedly said, "F**k you N****r."   Kanye -- who had just arrived at the building -- then met up with Kim.

Sources say Kanye and Kim rushed into the waiting room of chiropractor Richard Hill and found the 18-year-old sitting there.  Witnesses say Kanye punched the guy and Kim screamed, "We have it all on tape."
I'm still a little confused...so this teenager was trying to help Kim, THEN called her a slut and THEN just sat in the chiropractor's office while she called her boyfriend to come beat him up?   SOoooooOOOoo...yes it was terrible what the kid said, but it's also not so good when a thirty-something year old woman and mother calls up her fifty year old boyfriend to come and  beat up a kid.  Do your own dirty work, lazy-bones.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Rusty from National Lampoon's Vacation

Who wouldn't want to spend time in the backseat with this stud?

That is ENOUGH Out of You Young Man!

As if it wasn't bad enough that Diane "slowly slipping into senility" Keaton accepted his Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award on his behalf at the Golden Globes, now Woody Allen's son (but maybe he's not) Ronan Farrow tweeted  super snide comment referening Woody's ALLEGED sexual abuse of his adopted daughter and Ronan's sister. No not Soon-Yi, that's not even his adopted daughter, so she was totally fair game, no, no the other daughter who went by the name of Dylan, but doesn't anymore, aghh craziness in this frickin' family. Okay, so Ronan tweeted "Missed the Woody Allen tribute - did they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?" Mee-oww. Listen Annie Hall is one of my favorite movies, so I don't appreciate the trivialization, and B didn't this whole Woody Allen scandal happen like 20 years ago? Sorry Ronan, just because you were too young to get in on the action then, doesn't mean you have to stir the pot now. Save it for Dr. Phil!

The Golden Globes Happened

 

 

For another glamorous night, Hollywood got to jerk each other off and jizz in all of our faces. It should also be noted that throughout the fart-sniffing evening EVERY freakin' winner's acceptance speech went over and stomped all over the "get the fuck off the stage" music.  Because goddamit, every person these people ever brushed up against in a Starbucks WILL be thanked or my name isn't Hollywood McI'madouche!  CHRIST!!    I must say though, that when Diane Keaton accepted the Lifetime Achievement Award for Woody Allen, she brought senility on stage to a whole new level.  A delicious level that included rambling, awkward stances and of course, singing.  Oh Keats...always trying to one up Jon Voight-you crazy kids.  Please enjoy these random photos from the awards-or don't-I'm not your mother.  Yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uhmmm...WHAT?

 

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/cops-man-killed-stepfather-with-atomic-wedgie/

Click the link and find out what the fuck??

Waaaaahhhh....Kim Kardashian isn't Using Photoshop you Guys-Cut it Out!!!

So Kim Kardashian has her gigantic panties in a knot because she doesn't want people to think she is photoshopping her body because she is working super hard, you guys.  Via UsWeekly: 

 "Preach! LOL, thank you!" the Keeping Up With the Kardashians star said. "It sucks when people make up surgery or Photoshop lies when I am so disciplined & work so hard! Just trying to motivate others & show anyone struggling with weight they can totally achieve whatever they want if they are dedicated!"

Aww she thinks that squatting is work.  No no, sweetheart, it's just work for the brave folks at Nike who must use at least the material to cover Somalia to make your yoga pants.  Bless them.

Sounds Like Somebody is High off Their Own Supply

This is just extremely weird. In 2007, Aaron Paul was a guest of a guest at the Prince of Brunei's 25th birthday party outside of London. Just go with it okay. So at said party, Aaron tells the new issue of Details that he made friends with the prince and princesses by chasing sheep around the castle. "Me and the prince and princesses Azemah and Fazilah, all put on these mud boots and chased the animals" (my index finger is pointing and swirling beside my head, while my eyes roll in a googly manner). That, however, is not even the strangest part of the night. Apparently, before Mr. Paul was to retire to his chambers after a night of animal chasing, he was summoned by the prince to the library, where none other than Michael Jackson was holding court. Aaron says he and the King of Pop discussed their upbringings and did a shot together. Yeah, okay. See this is what happens when you play Clue, listen to Thriller, and watch Hee-Haw all at the same time, after you have dropped acid with the guys at the mini mart. Shit gets confused.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Major Dad

 

I'll salute any day...

Oh Good-Alicia Silverstone is Still Relevent Enough to Be Photographed

 

Let that be a lesson, kids.  I'm not sure what the lesson is, but there it is.

Michael Bay is a Little Bitch, You Say?

 

Why yes...yes he is.

This is a picture of Michael Bay right before he threw a grade-A bitch fit at  Samsung's CES event.  Via Business Insider:

Director Michael Bay introduced Samsung's new massive 150-inch curved TV set at CES today, flubbed his lines halfway through his speech, and then inexplicably walked off stage.

He was supposed to have a scripted conversation about TV and big, bold images in movies.
He was introduced with some "Transformers" footage, walked on stage, and then began talking about how he creates worlds ... and then stopped. He sank into silence. He said something about not being able to see the monitor. Perhaps he was referring to the teleprompter.
And then he said "I'm sorry ..." and he walked off stage, leaving Samsung exec Joe Stinziano, EVP of Samsung America, to ad lib his way out of it.
Totally bizarre.
Stinziano was a pro: He tried to prompt Bay into ad libbing and just talking like a normal human being about how a curved TV might improve movies. But Bay wasn't having it. He just walked off.

It's good to know that someone who directs actors for a living cannot himself even function like a normal human being for an evening while basically talking about his bread and butter.  This just proves my theory though-Michael Bay is a just a human sized tampon.  I've heard the stories.  When you take off his Michael Bay mask and douche jackets, he is just a super-intelligent government developed off-brand tampon. 

Ke$ha Later

Ke$ha revealed to People Magazine that she will be unavailable for the next 30 days, in case you are trying to get in touch with her, because she will be going to rehab. You would expect someone who sings about brushing their teeth with a bottle of Jack to be getting help for substance abuse issues, but au contraire, apparently Ke$ha is getting help for the surprisingly wholesome eating disorder.  Well, in a town where most everyone seems to have an eating disorder, best of luck to Ke$ha in getting that sorted out.

Farrah Abraham Lied about Something to Get On TV? Wha-Wha-Whaaaaa???

 

Okay so apparently human squeegee Farrah Abraham  lied about having a boyfriend (Brian Dawe) in order to get on the VH1 show, Couples Therapy.  Of course, one of the sources that says she faked the relationship to get on the show is none other than Janelle Evans-another classier-than-fuck Teen Mom alum.  So ya know-take it with a grain of seaman. Either way.  Via Us Weekly: 

 As seen on the Jan. 2 premiere of Couples Therapy, Dawe ended up not doing the show, leaving Abraham to face Dr. Jenn Berman alone. He told Starcasm he couldn't go through with the alleged lie and sent an email to the producers informing them of his decision.
"I decided my morals and integrity were worth more than any amount of money," he explained. "I stepped out of the security line [at the airport] and made a life-changing decision to stand up for what I believe in and turn down the check I would be receiving for my appearance on this show."

I'm glad to see morals are making a comeback, especially when you have to make the difficult choice of whether you should keep your integrity or gain fame as the guy who is putting his dick in  that big cave filled with bats and shit.

Goddam, Jane Seymour!

 

Jane Seymour, or Dr. Sex, Sex Woman-as I affectionately call her, was lookin' FINE on a beach yesterday-at 62 YEARS OLD!!!  FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF YET??  Well, don't-that's not what this site is about.  It's about the dick jokes-always the dick jokes.  

 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Bernice Clifton

 

 What does it mean-someone left the cake out in the rain?

So J-Wow is Pregnant, Don't Pretend To Care, I know You Don't

 

In what I can only assume is some sort of Darwinian practical joke from above, Jenni "JWow" Farley is knocked up.  In other news...who pissed God off?  I'm lookin' at you, Duck Dynasty.  Via ABC: 

 

“Jersey Shore” star Jennifer “JWoww” Farley, 27, and fiance Roger Mathews, 37, announced Wednesday that JWoww was pregnant with their first child.
The reality star posted a picture of the sonogram on her website with the caption, “We couldn’t have wished for a better gift this Christmas!”
Naturally, fellow “Jersey Shore” alums wanted to give their friend a big congratulations on her first baby.

JWoww even posted the advice Snooki had texted to her.
“Sleep safe, keep hydrated, no Advil or Aleeve,” Snooki wrote, and “No pushing on the toilet either.”
Snooki always says just what’s on her mind.

In all seriousness, congrats the the orange couple.  It does my heart good to see people who can't work a television set or master the English language somehow manage to fine tune the finer mechanics of baby-making.

Mazel.

R.I.P. James Avery

Via CNN:

Actor James Avery, who played the beloved Uncle Phil on the hit 1990s sitcom "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air," died Tuesday, his publicist confirmed. He was 68.

The cause of death was complications from open-heart surgery, said his manager, Toni Benson.

His "Fresh Prince" co-star Alfonso Ribeiro tweeted news of Avery's passing.

"I'm deeply saddened to say that James Avery has passed away," Riberio tweeted. "He was a second father to me. I will miss him greatly

God Bless...we will miss you, Uncle Phil.