Kim Kardashian is Pregnant...Great

Because when you're famous for a sex tape, at some point, you're gonna have to deliver.  Cellulite treatments and crystal masks all around!

Goodbye 2012...You Were a Monumental Disappointment. Please Do Enjoy This Years Best Moments of Celebrity Dickery. Then Kick 2012 in the Nuts.

This got cancelled...one last round of syphilis for all!

Publicity stunt meets angry cunt.

Megan Fox thinks she is the only person who has ever given birth.  Ever. 

Heidi Klum "fornicates with the help"; Seal sounds like a racist white guy. 

Someone gave this thing a show.   Now she thinks she's people.

Vagina and Les Miserables go together like fish and taco.

Don't call it a comeback-cuz it wasn't.  

America is still letting this happen

This gave birth.

A mentally handicapped singer was allowed to stalk a Kennedy.

She found her soul...escaped clutches of Xenu.    

These two banged-the thought made me reignite my love affair with bulimia.

Bitch Fight!

 In a new interview to air January 6th with Oprah Winfrey, David Letterman calls Jay Leno "maybe the most insecure person I have ever known." According to UsWeekly, Letterman tells Oprah, who he has also had beef with, that he and Leno were friends leading up to Leno being tapped instead of Letterman to replace Johnny Carson as host of The Tonight Show.  Letterman says of Leno, "He has a way . . . he' s an unusual fellow. I've never met anyone quite like Jay." He also thinks that Leno is the funniest guy he's ever known. Regardless of who is the King of Late Night, Letterman is most definitely the King of Backhanded Compliments and Vague, Insignificant Digs.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Lynne Stone from Girls Just Want To Have Fun

So cool for someone so hot!

R.I.P. Norman Schwarzkopf

Retired General H. Norman Schwarzkopf, known as "Stormin' Norman" died today in Tampa, FL at the age of 78. Schwarzkopf commanded coalition forces in the Persian Gulf War against Saddam Hussein. His forces were able to drive Hussein's out of Kuwait with relatively few casualties in the coalition. Schwarzkopf also served in the Vietnam War, where he was a decorated combat soldier. His cause of death has not been verified, although there are reports that his sister said it was due to complications from Pneumonia. Norman was a true American hero whose presence on this earth will be undoubtedly missd.

Courtney Stodden Whored up the Holidays; Now Those Presents Have to Get Tested

In an effort to prove he is straight, I guess, Doug Whats-his-Perv had his teen bride pose for these pictures of her getting her stank all over these innocent gifts.  But the sharp eye can see through anything, Doug.  A Pink Christmas Tree??  You ain't foolin' nobody.

Hurray for beards!

These Two got Divorced? Get Outta Town...

Bethenny "Knife Face" Frankel and Jason "What? Who? I'm Gonna Take A Nap" Hoppy have filed for divorce.  Apparently, he felt emasculated in the relationship because somehow low fat vodka made her a goddam multi-millionaire.  So fellas, if you're looking for a single lady whose got more money than an Arab sheikh and can cut glass with her face, have I got the girl for you...

Kate Winslet got Married "Quietly"; But You can Read about it EVERYWHERE

Kate Winslet was married for the third time the other day (to Ned Rock'n Roll? Sure, why not?) in a "quiet" ceremony...which means it will be on the cover of every upcoming magazine next week.  Now, I know that while I mock the hypocrisy of celebrity marriages, I am just adding to it by reporting it...I, uh-I'm doing it ironically, yeah...that's it.  I'm ironic.  *snaps old timey suspenders*  Now off to the haberdashery for some spiffy new spats.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Mr. Wizard

I think we would have great chemistry together!

Trash-Tastic!!

Christmas may be over, but the gifts just keep on coming!
Kevin Federline's brother Christopher is now claiming he is the father of Britney's eldest son Sean Preston, and  has filed court documents to keep her from going public with that information (The white trash mind has an inability to recognize common sense. Any court docs mentioning Britney Spears will most definitely make their way to the public . . . AWW Dang it, I done did stupid agin!!!) He also claims that Spears stole his credit card and bought a shit ton of Archie and Betty Boop Comics . . . for her sons . . . yeah right, everyone knows Britney likes to get down with some Jughead. Watch out for the sticky pages on the Double Digest. When C. Federline contacted Spears about the stolen card's charges, she apparently laughed at him and told him he had a small penis. Duh, Chris. People who have small penises deserve to be laughed at and have their credit cards stolen, it's in the Hillbilly Handbook, right next to gettin' your brother's wife pregnant, coincidentally.

Ellen is Gonna be Pissed that Joe Simpson is Hanging Out with Portia

It is? I coulda swore . . . nevermind.

You see where I'd get confused, right?

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Parker Lewis from Parker Lewis Can't Lose

He's Zack Morris attitude wrapped in a Lyle Lovett outfit.  Sexy to the max.  

R.I.P. Jack Klugman & Charles Durning

"You’ve heard and probably used the phrase “perfectly ordinary” in various contexts. Today consider it in a new one: as an excellent description of what Jack Klugman and Charles Durning did so very, very well. Both men died Monday, Mr. Klugman at 90 and Mr. Durning at 89. And Hollywood and the theater world lost two actors who remained remarkably employable for more than half a century because they were masters of the kind of effortless-looking acting that makes ordinary, often secondary characters believable."
Neil Genzlinger, The New York Times

I always really liked Jack Klugman in those Twilight Zone episodes...he was an amazing actor and  really made you believe he was going through whatever emotions he was portraying on screen.  Charles Durning of course, was hilarious as Jessica Lange's father in Tootsie...the only man who could find Dustin Hoffman in drag irresistible.

God Bless these two.  They will be missed.

Merry Christmas!

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Heather B from The Real World

Heather B brought the Real to Reality T.V.

Ashton Kutcher Files for Divorce from Demi Moore. Congratulations? Finally?

You Scum Bag!

Apparently Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's divorce docs were being held up by some financial situation. But we gotta wonder, is there a wedding in the future for Ashton and Mila? Or maybe for Demi and that kid from Modern Family?

Stars Use Their Power for Good!

Stars including Beyonce, Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon, Jon Hamm, Joel McHale, Chris Rock and many, many others have made a PSA advocating a plan to end gun violence, referencing the far too many recent shootings. Please watch it!Demandaplan.org

Jesse James is a Moron, But You Knew That

It's been barely a week since the tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, and the fool who calls himself Jesse James is coming out in support of more guns and fewer gun laws. One thing we can say about you sir, is that you have impeccable timing! Ughh, sorry, excuse me, I just vomitted in my trash can from looking at his awful mug. Okay, I'm back, so James thinks that the reason there have been so many shootings in places like California is because their gun laws are too strict. But let me ask you this, in all these horrible shooting sprees in the past few years, has anyone besides the shooter been armed with an assault rifle to protect themselves? NO! Because normal people DO NOT want to carry around assault rifles, just in case. So let's stop selling them! James also says that because of the violence he encoutered in Long Beach, California, the only thing that made him feel safe were his firearms, per UsWeekly. Listen James, you should be more worried about the laundry list of women you've dicked over who would probably line up around the block to kick you in the junk!

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Jack McCoy from Law & Order

Objection! Counsel is distracting me with his hotness!

Objection SUS-tained!

It's O-Fishel! Danielle Graduates College!

At 31, Danielle "Van Wilder" Fishel has graduated college. Another success story from John Adams High. Congrats to Danielle. There will no doubt be a celebration at the Hub!

LeAnn Rimes Does Duet on X-Factor, Followed by Obligatory Denial of Drinking

LeAnn Rimes insists she was not drunk during her duet with 13-year-old Carly Rose Jepsen, I mean Sonicare, oh whatever, Tuesday night when they sang "How do I Live?" It appears that upon walking out onto the stage, LeAnn burps mid lyric, and then just kind of acts all LeAnn Rimes-y. Rimes' people insist it was awkward because the kid sucked. Whatever the case, we are sure Brandi Glanville will take LeAnn appearing on "The X-Factor" as a personal dig at her. We anxiously await her tweet!

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Kay from The Tracey Ullman Show

OHHH Kayyyy

Tim Tebow and Camilla Belle Break Up. They Were Dating? Okay, Well They're Not Anymore. What Has Camilla Belle Been in Besides Those Cotton Commercials?

So Camilla Belle clearly doesn't want to date some third string clown. She's dated Joe Jonas, so it's going to take a first stringer to fill those shoes.

Don't Worry! Kim Kardashian's Bangs Are Just Clip-Ons; File This Under . . . Whew!

Amidst the pandemonium of the Big Bangs, Kim Kardashian took to her website, thankfully, to clear up the situation. "I saw a few of you tweeting me about my bangs!! The bangs are fake! Just clip ons!"

This is really normal. Perfectly normal for a 32-year-old woman to wear clip on hair, and to have the foresight to know that people actually care and beyond that, are concerned. Well done Kim, you never cease to amaze me.

This is Going to be One Hot Baby!

Channing Tatum and his wife Jenna Dewan-Tatum announced that they are expecting a child next year. Congrats to the caliente couple.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Patty and Lauren from Square Pegs

 

 

These two made not fitting in super cool.

Romeo Beckham Models with Flashers

The kid stays in the picture . . . I know when I think of pricey, luxurious trench coats, my next thought is usually how great a 10-year-old would look in them. Posh and Becks' son Romeo is in the new ad campaign for Burberry, which looks like the product of some hippie photographer's all night drug/jewelry making binge.

Kardashian Christmas Card Before Photoshop

The Kardashians Wish you a Profoundly Retarded Kristmas

I'm going to skip the obvious joke that this looks like a glamed up KKK rally (the poor cat is thinking it, may she rest), and just focus on the fact that Lamer Odom was probably drugged to be in this photo.  It's Christmas, after all. 

UPDATE:  So, it looks like Khloe and Lamar were digitally added to the picture because they missed the "main" photoshoot...Kanye West's excuse?  I dunno-MENSA meeting?

26 Acts of Kindness...Please Participate

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/12/17/15972814-inspired-to-help-26acts-of-kindness-to-honor-those-lost-in-newtown-conn?lite

Readers...please click the above link and learn about an amazing way to honor those lost in the Sandy Hook tragedy. 

God Bless.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Ira from Mad About You

We're mad about this neurotic stud!

A Little Something to Make You Smile

This is Lacey, a nine week old miniscule chihuahua inside of a baby's sock. Lacey's owner, Sharon Johnstone of Great Britain hopes that Lacey can win the coveted Britain's smallest dog title.

A Prayer for the Families of Newtown, CT

This is one of the worst tragedies to happen in recent times.  An absolute evil was unleashed on the world today, and twenty beautiful children and six heroic adults lost their lives.  In these times, the darkest times, it is hard to find any light at the end of the tunnel.  All seems hopeless and lost.  Please say an extra prayer tonight for the familes of these victims, because at these dark times, prayer is the only light we have.  Pray for change, so that nothing like this will ever happen again. 

UPDATE:  Donations to help those directly affected by this tragedy can be made via Newtown Parent Connection, at www.newtownparentconnection.org/

Lena Dunham Makes People Uncomfortable

I know that look that Aubrey Plaza is giving Wetfart (my shorthand for Lena Dunham) it's the look women give me when I get them a drink that I prepared while singing roooffiiee in the mornin' roooffiiee in the evenin' rooofiiiee at supertime...ladies?

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Newmie from Baywatch

Help! I'm drowning . . . in desire!

Sarah Jessica Parker's Makeup Artist Has Sticky Fingers

Apparently, Sarah Jessica Parker's longtime makeup artist, seen hugging the thespian in the above pic, stole a pricey watch from an Oslo airport. Parker was in Norway to host a Nobel Peace Prize Concert, and obviously her makup wasn't going to do itself, so she had to bring Leslie "No One Will See Me" Lopez. Now we're not sure, but Parker sounds like kind of a fair weather friend, because her reps insisted that Lopez worked for the Nobel Peace Prize Group, and not for Parker herself, but clearly, there is photographic evidence that they are close. I couldn't help but wonder . . . is SJP a bitch? Not sticking by her friend? How very un-Carrie Bradshaw!

Kristen Stewart Looks Like the Crazy Man at Your Gym; Makes Penises Sad

Coming this fall on ABC...Kristen Stewart is THE ANTI-BONER

They call her the Anti-boner.  She infests your dreams with sadness and a sweaty stench not found in mortal existence.  She must feast on married douche bags to keep her powers strong, and if you see her coming, your penis will shrivel and die while letting out a low "whhhyyyyyy cruel world?"

Should be getting a check aaannyy day now...

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Cast of Soap

 

Yep-the whole damn cast.  Even the dummy.  SEXY



Rihanna Will Totally Tolerate Chris Brown Beating the Shit Out of Her-But Party With Another Girl? Please, She has Her Pride

 Class act she is, Rihanna tweeted a bunch of cryptic shit that makes people think she finally smartened up about Chris Brown...ya know, the one who beat the everloving fuck out of her...of course it wasn't the savage beating that made RiRi bail, but the fact he was totally fucking the girl in the circle up there.  Via E!News:

Chris's ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran reportedly joined the R&B singer on tour in Paris earlier this week. (Chris was even spotted wearing a hat that appeared to be from Karrueche's clothing line, the Kill.) Rihanna, apparently not amused, tweeted (then deleted) Tuesday, "Goodbye muthaf--ker."
"You give, you get, then you give it the f--k back," she added, then took down. "Examine what you tolerate." (Although the timing could be purely coincidental, it seems unlikely. You be the judge of that, though.)

Oh yeah honey, examine what you tolerate, and this strong independent woman WILL NOT tolerate her psychotic boyfriend wearing a hat designed by another woman-uh-uh bitch. 

CONCLUSION: Nobody understands what the fuck Rihanna is talking about.