The saddest thing is that all of the reports start with "The troubled actress claims to be engaged." I'm glad we're all on the same page.
ANYWHO...The troubled actress claims to be engaged to a 19 year old who works in a bait shop and is named Caleb. I am writing this entirely as fiction because their is no way in fucking hell a working male who is not insane is getting tied down to this fucking thing. But let's play along shall we? Here is an eloquent quote from the Oscar Wilde of our time regarding her imaginary fiancee:
"I am very needy for friendship and I hate men. I want to f--k them, but I can now say I’m engaged — get away from me... I want to be married and I want to be away from people."
So, so touching...I bet the Shutter Island she's on is having a fun time decorating the shock therapy room for the "wedding".
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