25 year old Brahim Zaibat and 478 year old Madonna have reportedly split up, because of "conflicting schedules" which I find hard to believe cuz he's her backup dancer, and you can't get much more non-conflicting than that. I think the real reason is right here; a note left by Zaibat in Madonna's vagina. I had my best archeologists dig it out for this story. It's called journalism, folks:
Tis been a fortnight since I have seen the sunshine. Madame only opens her legs to pee, and when she does-O! what a beautiful sight I experience. The porcelain of her toilet bowl brings me a white shine of hope-almost as though it is beckoning for me to escape. I have been trapped in the torn roughage of Madame for nearly three weeks, but I know I am going home. My only company is a man named Jimmy Hoffa, who has grown mad from isolation and refuses to try to escape. His insane rants shan't deter me. I will escape-and tell the world my story. For now, I shall try to survive on this Snickers bar and Crystal Pepsi that were stashed here by some unnamed traveler, whom I hope escaped. If you find this note-please-share with the world the horrors I have endured in here.
-Brahim Zaibat
Indeed.
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