What the Fuck is Going on with Richard Simmons??

Okay, so the reclusive fitness guru has been exhibiting some weird behavior this past year.  From calling into shows assuring us that he is okay to maybe being held hostage by his housekeeper to being hospitalized for odd behavior, this bitch is cray.  The latest buzz on his hospital stay?  Dehydration of course.  Click HERE for more of the crazy.  And here's hoping everything works out well for Richard. 

Kimbo Slice has Died

Famed backyard brawler turned MMA fighter, Kimbo Slice, has died at the age of 42 from unknown causes at a Florida hospital.  Many recall Kimbo's meteoric rise from street fighting sensation to UFC fighter, finally coming to rest with the Bellator organization. 

Rest easy, gentle giant.

 

Amy Schumer Goes Pantsless for Gun Control...Makes Me Want to Shoot Myself

 

Okay first of all, I am COMPLETELY in favor of gun control but come on Amy Schumer.  Nobody needs to see your sucked in muffin top to get the point that you don't like guns. I mean, seriously, you're actually making gun control look bad...or at least pudgy.

R.I.P. Muhammed Ali

Boxing legend and ultimate champion Muhammed Ali has died at the age of 74.  Ali proved that an incredible athlete could also be quick-witted, hilarious, and otherworldy levels of clever.  Rest in peace, Champ.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Tommy Fucking Wiseau

 

A hottie very close to my heart.  This dangerous, unhinged, amazing, hilarious nutfuck is just...everything. Do yourself a favor and get stoned as fuck and watch his 2003 masterpiece, The Room.

These Two Idiots Are No Longer Banging Each Other

 

So Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris (who I swear to God I thought was a cartoon character) are no longer having skinny white people sex (read: tapping nipples while looking at Pintrest).  Honesty, no judgement here but has anyone ever thought about the sheer amount of caked on STD's Swifty is probably rocking in her lady hole?   I mean, def not enough to send me packing, but still girl, you did bang a Kennedy...so ya know...call me. 

 

So It Looks like Amber Heard May have been Lying all Along

Okay honestly I don't know what else to expect from an unstable, sometimes bisexual quasi-star but it looks a little suspicious that Amber Heard did this, according to TMZ: 

 Amber Heard is not going through with her promise to belatedly file a police report ... because she says she still loves Johnny Depp and "doesn't want to bury him" ... so say sources connected with Amber.
As we reported, Amber's lawyer, Samantha Spector, vowed Tuesday Amber would file a police report because she was being trashed in the media, thanks to Johnny and his team.
We're told Amber has now had a change of heart, saying she believes a police report would trigger an arrest and prosecution, and she doesn't want to set the wheels in motion for People vs. Depp.
Sources connected with Johnny scoff at Amber's sympathy, saying she timed the allegations to hurt his new movie, "Alice Through the Looking Glass," which tanked.
Heard claims she still loves the man she now says repeatedly brutalized her.  

Huh...okay, so her evil plan of destroying a seemingly terrible movie has succeeded, evil genius that she is...but seriously, can she be more of a Disney villain right now?  Vacuous blonde with vacant eyes destroys a man-child's life of playing dress-up for millions of dollars.  It writes itself, and shall be called Boob Avengers VI: The Curse of the Shining Nipple.  You are welcome Hollywood.  Or Dollywood.  Whoever gets back to me first.