R.I.P. Al Molinaro

 

Al Molinaro has passed away at the age of 96.  The big lovable guy was best known for his work as Big Al on Happy Days.  Rest in Peace Big Al.

This is Awesome!

For a good belly laugh, please do enjoy Jonathan Pie telling the UK the FUCKING NEWS!

Leah Remini Got Real on Some Scientology Shit

 

Happy Halloween!  Speaking of which, Leah Remini got real on 20/20, where she was interviewed about her time in the famous Hollywood cult.  Basically, she was written up for telling Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to "get a room" and was forced to invite famous people to her wedding.  Oh, the trials you've been through, Leah.  For a full list of bullshit, click HERE, otherwise carry on with your normal activities.  

 

Kim Richards is Fucking Scary

 

PHOTO: TMZ

 

Here is the booking photo for Lil Kim Richards and I must say...Caitlyn Jenner much?  Anywho, this broad got community service, probation, and AA meetings for stealing $600 worth of Target shit.  You know what else she stole?  My heart.  I sentence you to five hugs. 

Here's Lena Dunham to Politicize Your Halloween

 

Okay so my managing editor mom told me to not make the obvious abortion joke, so I got nothin'.  Oh wait I got it...one look at that and nobody will ever want to have unprotected sex again!  BOOM!  

Halle Berry is Getting Divorced *Sprays breath spray* So you know...I got a Chance now

 

Halle Berry and Oliver Martinez have reportedly filed for divorce.  This marks divorce number 3 in twenty years for Berry, but you know what I say...the more tread on the tire the B-E-double T-E-R!  

I'm sorry.  I'm an abomination.

Kylie Jenner Might Pregnant but Probably Not

 

So basically, because the world is ending and resistance is futile, every news item is now in the Kardashian sphere.  Go on-look on Yahoo news and count the Kardashian-centric articles.  ANYWAY...fish lips up there posted this picture of herself on Instagram with the caption "hey lil tummy".  This has fueled pregnancy rumors because you know, she's fucking 18 and wants attention for something other than her ridiculousness.  On the off chance she is pregnant...Good God, I can't even fathom it...

Everything Lena Dunham Touches turns to Shit

 

Ladies and gentlemen of Earth, I present to you Exhibit A...or what used to be known as Parker Posey.

Paris Jackson is Probably Married

 

 Happy Saturday loyal tasteless readers!  Let's kick off the weekend right with some speculation about a 17 year old's relationship.  And my mom said I would never make it...

According to reports, it seems Paris Jackson has changed her last name to Castellaw...as in Chester Castellaw, an 18 year old soccer player and boyfriend to Paris.  That's pretty much the gist of it right there, but I think the real story here is the fact that this kid's name is Chester, for crying out loud. 

Kim Kardahsian's Birthday was Weird

 

So not only did Kanye West rent out a movie theater so that Kim could watch the new Steve Jobs movie (weird enough right?  I would have bet money she was a Hotel Transylvania 2 girl) but all of the guests at Kim K's birthday were forced to thrilled to wear fake baby bumps to show their support for Kim being 7 months pregnant.  Apparently Kylie wore hers in her ass because why the fuck not?  

Again...I'm sorry about all these Kardashain posts...but it was between this or Beyonce telling her assistant to stop fussing with her tits so I'm comfortable with my decision. 

Lamar and Khloe Are Gonna Go Ahead and Stay Married

 

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are calling off their divorce to "give their marriage a second chance."  That's right, cuz nothing says "take me back baby" like hookers, coke, and a ton of herbal Viagra.  Take note, kids.

 



HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

 

These fuckin' guys...Happy Back to the Future Day Everybody!

An Open Letter to Those Weird Disney Re-Imagining Folks

 

Fucking stop it.  Just...just fucking stop it right now. 

-The Tasteless Writer, dictated but not read.

Yelp is Suing South Park for 10 Million Dollars

 

Okay so the dingleberrys over at Yelp have stopped sniffing their own farts long enough to try and sue the creators of South Park for $10 million.  That's right, oh and if that wasn't douchey enough for you, check out what their shitty president or whatever the fuck said...

“Our company, along with its millions of users, take Yelp very seriously. The South Park episode was in extremely bad taste and not funny whatsoever. To say our critics are out there trying to get free food and using racist slurs on little Mexican children is beyond ridiculous. To compare the users of Yelp to terrorists is not only cruel, but the definition of libel and slander. I believe any reasonable court in America will agree with the lawsuit and rule in our favor.”

I saw the episode and let me tell you...fucking hysterical.  Also, fuck you, Yelp.  You're honestly making yourself look so much worse than anyone ever could.  Yelp: 0 out of 5 fucks.

Metta World Peace has a Point

 

(Formerly Ron Artest...I just learned that too)...

So basically, the Kardashians have been exploiting the fuck out of Lamar Odom (who is tots doing better by the way) and Metta World Peace is having none of it: 

 

“The only Kardashian that needs to be there is Khloe,” he told the site. “Not every Kardashian needs to be around. They need to keep it simple, so Lamar’s children can see him whenever they want to see him. They’re waiting in line to see their own father.”

Fantastic.  Welp, we've said it before and we'll say it again...the Kardashians love ruining the lives of black men...kinda like a certain white hatted group of gentlemen...I'm looking at you, Dunce Cap Wearers of America.

This is Snooki Now

 

 Honestly, it was a toss-up for me to do this post vs. a post about Scott Disick going to rehab for the fortieth time...oh look at that a twofer!  Anywho, may I please present Lady Snatchfingers of Florham Park.  As you can see, the lady features a brand new face and some incredibly lopsided lips.  Huzzah!

Any snooch, Snooki there popped a picture of herself on Instagram at a book signing (I know, I know) giving some serious unintentional duck lips.  Of course because this is the future and everyone loves to think celebrities look at what the normals say, there was a barrage of criticism regarding the star(?)'s looks.  Many said to stop with the fillers already while many more took to commenting on her overuse of Botox.  

So yeah...that's news.  Because goddamit, why the fuck not?

Oh Subway...Just Go Home

 

So it's been a tough year for terrible sandwich chain Subway.  A pedophile spokesman, a rodent sandwich, and now this: a lady high on synthetic weed got naked and trashed an Alaskan Subway shop.  The video has been removed from YouTube on account of the nekkidness but well, there's the aftermath.  Let that be a lesson, kids...fake weed makes you destructive while REAL weed makes you understand Sabrina the Teenage Witch on a whole new level.  Legalize it.  Legalize it and let the ideas soar.  Seriously...if weed was totally legal, this bitch would not be out fucking up Subway's shit, she would have been home, safe and sound, eating Dominos or whatever the fuck they got in Alaska.

NBC's The Wiz Looks Fucking Terrifying

 

Seriously...this shit will haunt your dreams and then make your dreams watch slides of an Italy trip that nobody cares about.

Things are not Looking Good for Lamar Odom

 

 Lamar Odom has been hospitalized after being found unconscious in a Nevada brothel.  You can get the rundown HERE.  Let's hope he can pull through this one okay. 

It's Confirmed: Ronda Rousey and Travis Browne are having Gross Sex

 

As previously reported right here on this very gossip blog, Ronda Rousey is dating wife-beating enthusiast Travis Browne.  The champ released a statement saying that yes, she and him are in a relationship and that's all she's gonna say about that-(think that sentence in a Forrest Gump voice).  In other UFC news, some chick rushed into Urijah Faber's house to shit all over his bathroom.  Proud day for the sport. 

What the Fuck, Playboy?

Okay so basically Playboy is gonna stop publishing naked ladies because the "internet does it for free".  I think we need to take a moment of silence here for those of us who predate the internet and will always remember Playboy as a beacon of booby goodness.    

Ariel Winter is Officially a Perv Magnet

Before anyone thinks anything...SHE'S 17 YEARS OLD!  Okay, now that I've saved your bum, you may buy me lunch. 

 

 

Modern Family's Ariel Winter looked especially busty the other day at a wedding with her 18 year old boyfriend John Mcnotgonnabothergooglinghisname.  The star recently had breast reduction surgery, and well, I guess felt the need to show everyone she's recovering A-Okay? 

Blake Lively's Website Shuts Down; Dissapoints Tens of People

So Blake Lively's "lifestyle" website, Preserve.us has officially shut down after one year.  To be honest I had completely forgot that she tried this pointless endeavor and so, probably did the rest of the world.  Here's what the Blakester had to say:

 

"We launched the site before it was ready, and it never caught up to its original mission: It’s not making a difference in people’s lives, whether superficially or in a meaningful way," she told Vogue. "And that’s the whole reason I started this company, not just to fluff myself, like, ‘I’m a celebrity! People will care what I have to say!’ It was so never meant to be that, and that kind of became the crutch"

Oh I just love the bullshit...I'm sure Blake Lively really cares about making a difference in people's lives, and of course websites do that.  They're totally not just something you look at when you're at work because you're bored as shit.  Tasteless Entertainment of course is exempt from all that sarcastic prattle because you know what?  I care about you.  I do.  Now send money and I'll send a hug back in the mail. 



Holy Shitballs, Randy Quaid

 

All righty, let's get to it...

So this is a photo of Randy Quaid courtesy of Vermont State Police.  Why do the police have his photo, you ask?  Well sit down and let me tell you...it seems the Quaidster was trying to cross from Canada into the United States.  This comes days after Canadian officials said they wanted to deport Quaid, who is wanted in Santa Barbara California on counts of vandalism/house squatting.  So now you pretty much have the gist of what is going on in Randy Quaid's life, and I know you wanted it.  It's because I listen to you talk in your sleep.  Netflix and Chill anyone?

Rosie O'Donnell's Shit has hit the Fan

  

So you guys remember a few months ago, when Rosie O'Donnell's daughter, Chelsea went missing and she posted all this shit about her being mentally ill?  Well, according to Chelsea, that was a big steaming pile of bullshit and Rosie O'Donnell is a terrible caregiver/wife/person.  Click HERE to read the interview Chelsea gave, which basically outed her mom as a perpetually stoned, reclusive, pizza eating, Madonna obsessive who sits around painting dolls all day.  

John Stamos is Ready to Party

 

Oh Uncle Jessie you crazy kid...

So everybody's favorite Greek was arrested the other day because-get this-he was driving erratically while on the date rape drug GHB.  Sources close to the actor say he was using the drug as a diet supplement. Either way, John Stamos should probably start wearing a helmet. 

Caitlyn Jenner is Now Addicted to Plastic Surgery

 

So according to OK! Magazine, Caitlyn Jenner just plain can't stop getting plastic surgery done on the face.  So yeah, instead of putting her money toward a worthy cause or at least pretending to care about the community that put her big ass on a pedestal, she is just using her undeserved fortune to look more and more like Skeletor's grandmother.  Funnily  enough, none of the surgeries are happening below the belt where a sad, confused penis resides.  

These Two are Probably Banging

 

Good Wednesday to you all!  I have come from the village square to spread the news of Dame You'retoooldforthisshit and Duke Stupidfuckface fornicating Canterbury Tales style under the highest willow.  They're fucking...is what I'm trying to say.  These two dumb faces are doing it.  Proof? None.  Conjecture? Yes.  Both recently divorced?  Absolutely.  Watch the fairy tale unfold. 

Oh Kanye, You Krazy

Insert literally any joke here...even that.

Okay, so Krazy-ass Kanye West is at his again with his nonsensical, declarative statements about bullshit.  this time, he went off half-cocked about how the Kardashians should have a ton of Emmy's by now.  He claims that their reality show was such a "ground-breaking art form" and deserves multiple awards for starting a whole new genre.  

Okay, so number one, reality television existed way before the Kardashians plunked their ample asses down on our televisions, so ya know, fuck you.  Number two...just-fuck you, Kanye West.  Unless he's referring to the Kardashian spin-off abortions as part of the "genre" he really is just fucked.  Basically, he's saying the same shit a ninety year old senile grandparent would say about their retarded relations.  

A Sister Wife Got Tricked Online? Noooooo

So it  seems that Merri Brown of the show Sister Wives was catfished online.  For those of you who don't know, Merri was married to creep-master deluxe and polygamy enthusiast Kody Brown before she was voted off the island or whatever the fuck these people do when they want some more room on the compound.  Any snooch, this sad lady was tricked into an emotional relationship via the interwebs with a woman who was posing as a man.  Not to be insensitive, but I am sure it can't be too hard to trick a woman who was tots cool with marrying a guy who not only had like five other wives but also looks like the creepy love child of Kato Kaelin and Garth Brooks...cue the "wah-waahhh" music and...

Demi Lovato Continues to Shove Herself Into People's Faces; Disregards Lack of Interest

 

And you can click HERE for some disappointing nude shots in a bathtub. 

Hello all, and happy Saturday.  Sorry for the slow news week-I've been trying to marathon every episode of Golden Girls and well, my hand has gone limp from masturbation-induced carpel tunnel...ladies?

Anywho, Vanity Fair is featuring a spread of the singer? I guess?  I think there's an album coming out...naked in a bathtub and sans makeup. I guess this is a positive, because I'm pretty sure this is the girl who had an eating disorder and you know that nothing solves deep psychological scars like a nakey photo shoot in the magazine that made us look at Jenner's junk shoved in a onesie Buffalo Bill style for over a month.