R.I.P. Edward Herrmann

Edward Herrmann has died at age 71 after a brave battle with brain cancer.  He was a beloved and talented actor known for Gilmore Girls, Annie, Overboard, and many other roles that showcased his broad range of talent.  Rest in Peace, Edward.

Happy New Year!

 

Be safe, don't be a douche, and have a good one, guys.

And Here is Hulk Hogan Hyping Riff Raff

I uhm, I don't know what to make of this, but if you're in the mood to feel a super sad boner, then please do enjoy this circus.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

 

Stewie Griffin

 

The cutest toddler with the most vascular arms.

 



Screech was Arrested in Wisconsin

 

Via TMZ:

 

Dustin Diamond a.k.a. Screech is behind bars ... after he was arrested for allegedly endangering someone's life at a bar in Wisconsin with a switchblade -- TMZ has learned.

The Ozaukee County Sheriff says Diamond was arrested early Friday morning for possession of a switchblade, reckless endangerment and carrying a concealed weapon.

The bar owner tells us Dustin and his girlfriend were arguing with another couple who was taking their picture from afar ... and claims the wife got physical with the woman before leaving

Oh my...the most surprising part of this story is of course the fact that Screech has a girlfriend.  Well, I couldn't have asked for a better story to get back to work with...thank you Dustin, you weird, sad person, you have reaffirmed my faith in blogging. 

 



MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!! IT'S BREAK TIME

We want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday Season!  We will be back after Christmas to keep you (sorta) up to date on all the fun celebrity bullshit that we depend on to distract from our own lives.  God bless us, Everyone. 

R.I.P. Joe Cocker

 

Legendary musician and all around fucking awesome guy Joe Cocker has passed away at age 70 after a courageous cancer battle.  Dude, you were a true rock star.  Rest in Peace, Joe.

 



HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

James Woods

 

So hot...in so many ways.  We love you, James, babe.

David Schwimmer is Going to Play Robert Kardashian

 

So FX is going to be airing a miniseries, American Crime Story: The People V O.J. Simpson, and not only are we getting treated to Cuba Gooding Jr. as the Juice, but we are also going to be witness to the long-awaited return of DAVID FUCKING SCHWIMMER.  Did my pants just get tight for no reason, or is that MY RAGING ROSS BONER?????

Selena Gomez Should Really Get it Together

 

So basically, if young Hollywood isn't blowing coke off each others asses,  they are having high-school type birthday parties where there is always the pretty popular girl who had too much to drink, and needs to make a huge scene about "how nobody understands her".  That girl was Selena Gomez and it was at Taylor Swift's birthday party.  Now I feel pervy for knowing this much so I'm gonna just go ahead and go back to doing whatever it is I pretend to do at this job.  I am the king of the staplers here and have a grand fort.

You Won't Be Seeing The Interview on DVD or VOD Either

 

So unfortunately for the five James Franco fans left, you will not be able to see The Interview on any medium, according to Sony.  The company does not plan on releasing the movie on DVD or VOD in the near future. 

And What Do You Wear To a Children's Hospital, a Whole Shirt? Puh-leeze!

Yes, yes, the transformation is complete. Kylie Jenner is officially a Kardashian. The youngest of the Gypsy brood visited Children's Hospital Los Angeles with her boyfriend Tyga.  I wonder if he goes by Tyga on the Sex Offender registry, since he's 25, and Kylie is only 17, but I guess in Kardashian years, the math's a little different. Anywhooo, these two brought some gifts and a possible peep show to the poor kids in the hospital. It may be one of the first time that the patients have to wear protective clothing to shield them from all the diseases the guests have.

I Don't Think So, Kathie Lee

 

So now Kathie Lee Gifford, or as I like to call her, Drunky the Post-menapausal Clown, is now jumping on the Bill Cosby bandwagon, claiming he tried to kiss her.  Of course, this allegedly took place in the 70's before she started to melt.   These women that are coming forward are starting to look more and more like a who's who of sad, old circus folk who desperately need the attention of a world that stopped caring about them decades ago.  Welcome to the parade of lost souls...it's gross.

A Little Christmas Cheer from Our Favorite Queen

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Michael Keaton

He will always be Batman.

I Love This

If I was a five-months pregnant woman wrapping presents for charity, royal or not, you best believe if you told me to keep wrapping, I would not just roll my eyes at you.  You go, knocked-up princess lady.  

What the Actual Goddam FUCK?

If I told you that this guy skinned and ate his ex-girlfriend's pet bunny, chronicled the whole thing with photos, which he sent to his ex-girlfriend and then threatened to do the same to her, you probably wouldn't be surprised.  I mean-he has that psycho too-big face look that screams animal cruelty.  Anyway-that's what happened and this psychopath is some douche from Sons of Anarchy.  His name is Dimitri Diatchenko and I think we can all agree that he's going straight to hell.  Good luck asshole.  And fuck you.  

Leonardo Dicaprio Goes Through Victoria's Secret Models Like Underwear

Minus the skid marks we hope. Leo has broken up with yet another model from his bench. This time it's Toni Garrn. Before that it was, hmm, let's see Erin Heatherton, Anne V, Bar Rafaeli, Gisele, and who the hell knows how many others. Now that Adam Levine is actually married to one, where will these models go after Leo? Oh, that's right, next stop Bieberville.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Judge Wapner

May we approach the bench? Grrrr

Ladies Everywhere Let Out a Sigh of Relief

I am the child of Mark Cuban and Quentin Tarantino

Well played, Phoenix. In an effort to "spice up his story" and get the audience at The Late Show with David Letterman to like him, Joaquin Phoenix said that he was engaged to his yoga instructor, going so far as revealing how they met at a class where she demonstrated the move "harnessing the hog" (?) on him.  But on Good Morning America Tuesday morning, he revealed he had made the whole story up to seem more interesting and likeable. While there is nothing more boring or unlikeable than a man engaged to his yoga instructor, there is nothing more interesting or likeable than a man who lies about being engaged to his yoga instructor. Ooh, plot twist!

Kate Middleton & Prince Harry go to NBA Game; Discover Black People

 

Ah yes, and you see over there, darling?  There's another.

 

Smashing.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Brendan Fraser

 

Yep, seems right.


Why Hello, Miss Jenner, May I take Your Hat and Coat?

 

I do declare, Miss Jenner that you are the prettiest flower that ever bloomed in these woods.  Do me the honor of letting me escort you to the governor's ball.  I would be the happiest dandy in all the land and I will buy you chewing gum and a mink sling for your penis shavings.

R.I.P. Bobby Keys

Via Rolling Stone:

Bobby Keys, the larger-than-life saxophone player who toured with the Rolling Stones for more than 45 years and played on studio classics like "Brown Sugar" and "Live With Me," has passed away. He was 70.

"If you believe in the magic of rock & roll, which I devoutly do, it isn't in the individual," Keys told Rolling Stone in 2012. "I’ve played in bands with A-team players around, but unless they can play together, it doesn’t do any good."

"The Rolling Stones are devastated by the loss of their very dear friend and legendary saxophone player, Bobby Keys," the band said in a statement. "Bobby made a unique musical contribution to the band since the 1960s. He will be greatly missed."

Rock on, Man.  

Oh Good, Now this one is Naked

Kourtney Kardashian posed nude for Dujour Magazine because if there is one thing guys are clamoring for, it's a naked pregnant woman who is notorious for her perma-PMS.  MmmHmmm this one is going right next to the old stack of Playboys from 1978 that I have simply labeled "Bush".

Thank you Kourtney, you have replaced "naked grandma" as the anti-boner in millions of middle school boys heads when they go up to the chalkboard.

Scarlett Johansson Got Married

 

 She is now the happy beard wife of the man in the velvet suit.  Mazel.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Mark Bittman

Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'?

Snooki Got Married

 

And it was a Gatsby-themed wedding, you know, because that's her favorite book of all time and she tots knows how to read you guys.  I once saw her spell herpes at Planned Parenthood.