So basically, Crazy McOhnoit'stotallyfinei'mokaynowi'mastudentsee?? got herself another DUI and was released on $15,000 bail. According to her attorney, she is on zero medication, which is probably why she's all wacky again. I can't wait to see what more shit she'll do now that she's off the meds that undoubtedly help her brain not be batshit crazy. Here's hoping for more candy-based videos. Come on, Amanda Bynes, we know you have em in you.
In all honesty though, Amanda Bynes should probably be considered extremely dangerous and no human should be around her ever. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Okay so basically, while I was watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey last night, (don't be surprised...I love my Jersey whores), in between the cleverly disguised reasons for "priorities being different" and sad shots of women well into their seventies trying to dance around gator boats in tiny jumpers, there was this. Kevin Jonas is building resident featured cow, Kathy Wakile's new tacky ass mansion. I wasn't positive until what I am sure was a producer prodded Kathy's sister Rosie to ask if he was famous. It's like a fabulous dream, or horrifying nightmare. I've tripped so much it's all the same to me.
So the butt storm that is Kimye were boohed and jeered as they arrived late to a Lanvin fashion show. That's all well and good but the real reason for this story is because I had to post a picture of what Kanye West was wearing. He looks like the rich kids at his preparatory academy played a prank on him and took everything but the knee socks. Then they stuck him with Kim Kardashian. Damn kids.
I hate to admit that I've been so busy getting stoned and watching South Park on a loop writing that new novel about uhm, whaling? that I've totally dropped the ball on this story. These two aren't together anymore, which is good news for the bed they shared (poor thing must have seen some terrible, buttery things), but sad news for the Boo Boo family. Rest in Peace, pre-diabetic romance, rest in peace.
That's right...this person, Jasmine Tridevil had a third breast implanted and is going to show off the surgery in a self-produced reality show. Ahhhh Tampa, so full of gifts, you are.
Who wouldn't want to be legally attached to this stud? After over a year of separation Kris Jenner filed for divore from the lovely Bruce Jenner, seen above. A Kardashian divorce is as rare as… a steak at Ruth's Chris, or a nude photo of Kim Kardashian.
Eric "The Actor" Lynch, who was a popular guest on Howard Stern's SiriusXM radio show, died Saturday afternoon. He was 39.
Johnny Fratto, who was Lynch's manager, confirmed the news on Twitter Sunday afternoon.
"I am so sorry and so sad to inform everyone that my friend Eric ‘The Actor' Lynch passed away yesterday afternoon," he wrote with a picture of the beloved radio guest.
SiriusXM radio also confirmed his death by tweeting, "Rest in peace, Eric the Actor. We love you."
As soon as his death was announced, comedians and fans from around the world expressed their memories about the "Wack Pack" member.
I think the best tweet was Artie Lang's..."He truly didn't care what you thought of him...which made him happier than us all"
Why does Rose Byrne always look like the mean girl in high school when you are trying to apologize for talking smack about her in the girls locker room?
Sorry Nickelback and Avril Lavigne fans...oh what's that? There are literally none of you? Okay, moving on...These two are splitting after one year of marriage. Nobody cares? Okalie dokalie, I'll be in the breakroom stealing Pam's Jell-O-er, I mean working.
There she is, Miss America! Actually that is not Miss America, that is only Miss Nebraska. Although, I do believe anyone who makes a muppet puppet sing SHOULD win the crown, but apparently a beat down, tired performance of "Happy" with a red cup takes that cake. Anywhoo, Miss Nebraska did flash her panties during the telecast, so yeah, at least the puppet knows how to keep her legs crossed!
Beyonce and Jay-Z decided to flip the script on all those divorce rumors by changing up lyrics in one of Jay-Z's songs to imply Bey is pregnant with their second child. On "Beach is Better," he rapped at their last show in Paris, "Cause she pregnant with another one." Hmm, take this as you will people, but everyone knows Jay is a huge Royals fan, he may have just been rapping about Dutchess Kate.
I mean this is just....Fucked. Via The Washington Post:
Kanye West is known for his concert antics and demanding behavior — but the two combined in the most unfortunate way at his recent arena concert in Sydney. In the middle of his show, West apparently refused to continue singing until every single audience member stood up and pointed out two people specifically. One of whom was in a wheelchair.
As the insufferably awkward video below shows, it’s a classic “EVERYBODY GET ON YOUR FEET” concert moment. Except most artists just start playing the song after 30 seconds or so, regardless of who’s sitting down.
Not Kanye West. “Y’all having a good time so far?” West says at one point while performing at Qantas Credit Union Arena on Friday. “I decided I can’t do this song — I can’t do the rest of this show until everybody stands up.”
The camera pans around the arena, showing everybody screaming and cheering, motioning for others to stand. The music remains at a standstill as West reiterates that, no, really, he’s not going to start singing again until everyone is on their feet.
Then, West walks over to a lower section to his right and points out someone. “Is he in a wheelchair?” he asks. The crowd starts booing. The awkwardness continues as the arena starts chanting “Stand up! Stand up! Stand up!”
West continues to stand there, looking in their direction with the microphone. “There’s literally two people left,” he says. “There’s two people left. They don’t want to stand up.”
More boos. “This is the longest I’ve had to wait to do a song,” West says, sounding annoyed. “It’s unbelievable.”
Then, sensing something might be up, West adds, “Now, if he is in a wheelchair, it’s fine.” He asks: “Is he in a wheelchair right there?” pointing over to the offending section.
“YES!” screams the entire section of people. West asks a couple more times before he’s finally satisfied. The Daily Mail Australia reports that West eventually sent over his bodyguard to check whether the fan was actually wheelchair-bound.
“Okay,” West says, launching into his song “Good Life” as the audience screams and cheers along.
Social media, of course, blew up after the incident — though the Daily Mail reminds everyone that one time, West gifted his microphone to a fan in a wheelchair, just because.
I have to admit that I was always under the impression that Kanye West was kind of a manufactured personality, and acted like a jackass because of some weird plan to get more publicity, but in reality, he is just a fucking asshole who puts out one good song for every ten "experimental" pieces of shit. Here is the video, enjoy and let the awkward drip all over you like the Chinese water torture he is.
Sarah Palin's backwoods brood got down and dirty in a drunken brawl that sounds like a scene from the Dukes of Hazzard but not as classy. Apparently Sarah and her family arrived at the 40th birthday party of a champion snowmobile racer (?) in a stretch hummer. Sometime after their grand arrival, Bristol Palin got into it with a fellow partygoer because he said he wanted to "have a go" at her sister Willow. Not sure if Bristol was upset because said partygoer was offending her sister's honor, or because he didn't want to "have a go" at Bristol herself. Anywho, a scuffle ensued, culminating with Sarah's son Track ripping his shirt off, throwing punches and walking through the street flipping everyone off (I hope it was the double bird!) I love a good hillbilly throwdown, especially when a former candidate for Vice President of the United States is involved!
Vogue recently published an article entitled "We're Officially in the Era of the Big Booty" which upset many readers who were I guess expecting more from a magazine that featured the Queen Mum of Big Booties, Kim Kardashian, on their cover earlier this year. The writing is on the wall people! Vogue is becoming an ass magazine! This season, and every season from here on out is about BUTTS!!!
"My advice is like...stay outta elevators wit like cameras and shit...just beat em senseless on the ROAD bro...then they still need the ride home..."
Okay, America, when are we gonna deport these two? I mean, people were more than willing to send Justin Bieber back to Canada, sooooOoooOoo-Douchebag Island is a place right? Or perhaps Asshole Cove? I hear War Machine is the mayor there. Any snooch, here is a report from UsWeekly:
Brown concluded his interview by directly addressing Rice. "To Ray, or
anybody else — because I’m not better than the next man — I can just say
I’ve been down that road," he said. "I deal with situations and I’ve
made my mistakes too, but it’s all about how you push forward and how
you control yourself."
Seriously...Fuck you to both of you. Love, America.
Okay...because Hollywood is just a plastic bubble full of people sniffing their own farts, Josh Hutcherson, or as I like to call him "poor man's Elijah Wood only much much worse" feels the need to defend Jenifer Lawrence's nude photos...ya know, because that's the important thing going on in the world right now. Via UsWeekly:
"I just think all that stuff is so ridiculous," the 21-year-old told ET Canada. "We're people, too man, we just want to live. We want to be normal people, it's not fair." Hutcherson has yet to talk to Lawrence, 24, since the incident, but
can relate to what she's going through. In 2013, the actor also found
himself under the spotlight when NSFW pictures of himself went viral. "I think everyone has their own way of getting through it. It's
something you obviously don't want to happen to you and it's really
unfortunate that it happens," he said. "I hate the way the world sort of
views those sorts of issues."
I just love he talks about this like he's talking about a disease or something. I can picture him running through the streets now...
"IT'S NOT FAIR...DEAR GOD WHY???" He's tots wearing a gingham party dress in this fantasy because he is a fine gentlewoman. Anyway...this is pretty much how I feel about it...
Relax, it was to unveil her new lingerie collection, Intimate Britney Spears. We were a little baffled by the New York Public Library venue at first, but if we know Britney, I think we follow. The smell of books can be a stimulant to ride the Hershey Highway for many folks, so let's just take out the whole pants and top middle man and get down to business as quickly and cleanly (fingers crossed) as possible.
So basically, Whiney McLookatmytits has this song on her new album called Bad Blood which was written about another female artist that gasp Taylor Swift doesn't get along with. Swifty didn't release the name but blah blah blah I'm bored of this story already so it's off to the supply closet to steal some paper clips. I almost have enough for a necklace.
Okay, now this is a man who was shot six times just a couple of weeks ago and look at him running around, picking up dry cleaning and incorrectly handling a shopping bag. Kinda makes that hangnail you were bitching about the other day pale in comparison...oh you had to bite it off? WAAAHHHH.
Joan Rivers, the raspy loudmouth who pounced on America’s obsessions with flab, face-lifts, body hair and other blemishes of neurotic life, including her own, in five decades of caustic comedy that propelled her from nightclubs to television to international stardom, died on Thursday in Manhattan. She was 81.
Her daughter, Melissa, confirmed her death.
Ms. Rivers died at Mount Sinai Hospital, where she was taken last Thursday after reportedly losing consciousness while undergoing a procedure on her vocal cords at a doctor’s office on the Upper East Side. Doctors at the hospital placed her in a medically induced coma. On Tuesday, her daughter said she was on life support; on Wednesday, she said she had been moved out of intensive care:
The State Health Department is investigating the circumstances that led to her death, a state official said Thursday.
Vivacious even as a nipped-and-tucked octogenarian, flitting from coast to coast and stage to studio in a whirl of live and taped shows, publicity stunts and cosmetic surgery appointments, Ms. Rivers evolved from a sassy, self-deprecating performer early in her career into a coarser assassin, slashing at celebrities and others with a rapier wit that some critics called comic genius in the bloodletting vein of Lenny Bruce. Others called it downright vicious. But if she turned the scowlers off, she left millions in stitches.
The fact that she was still so busy and in your face really says something. This is a lady who sang for her supper, and never disappointed. She was a true inspiration to all us celebrity observers and I for one am sure going to miss seeing her on t.v., ripping down the pompous Hollywood glitterati. Rest in Peace, Joan...you've earned it. God bless.
Well, UK...here is your Woman of the Year. I knew one of these days your classiness would run out and you would make the slagathor of selfies and sex tapes your queen. Onward to the new world, men...
Haha GOTCHA! But seriously, there really are leaked photos and they aren't of Magda from There's Something About Mary... hope you're not mad at me...aw come on don't be like that-FINE LEAVE BUT THE WHERE'S WALDO BOOKS ARE STAYING WITH ME!!
Via UsMagazine:
Kate Upton found fame from posing in sexy photos -- but after being involved in a celebrity phone hack, there are new nude images the model does not want shared out there. Like Jennifer Lawrence, Upton’s phone was hacked and nude images have leaked, her attorney confirms to Us Weekly.
"This is obviously an outrageous violation of our client Kate Upton's privacy,” attorney Lawrence Shire tells Us in a statement. “We intend to pursue anyone disseminating or duplicating these illegally obtained images to the fullest extent possible."
According to Buzzfeed, Upton and Lawrence are two of many A-listers who has been hacked. Others on the list include "Problem" singer Ariana Grande, Nickelodeon star Victoria Justice, and actress Kirsten Dunst.
On Sunday, Aug. 31, after nude selfies of the Hunger Games actress surfaced, Lawrence’s spokesperson told Us in a statement: “This is a flagrant violation of privacy. The authorities have been contacted and will prosecute anyone who posts the stolen photos of Jennifer Lawrence."
Kirsten Dunst? All righty...Okay here's the thing, I totally do think it's a big old dick smack to privacy and everything, but if you are a celebrity, and you take nude photos of yourself, perhaps you should just EXPECT the inevitable hacking that will lead to your lady-bits being posted all over the inter-webs. It goes for men too; basically if you have any type of influence and an iPhone, chances are we are going to see you in your birthday suit. Your move, John Goodman.
