Freddy Krueger
We're krazy for Krueger!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Fieri Temper! Guy Gets Into Fight With Hairdresser
Well it's about time somebody pay for that lesbian golfer hairdo! Guy Fieri got into a kicking/crying match with his hairdresser Ariel Ramirez on Saturday after Fieri and his crew landed at San Francisco International Airport, according to TMZ. The video shown on TMZ http://www.tmz.com/ shows a very upset hairdresser cursing at Guy, who can be seen kicking the man out of an SUV. According to a source, the guys had been drinking on the flight, the argument was about nothing and it was just "dudes being dudes." Hey we all know how wild and testoterone charged things can get when a celebrity chef and hairdresser mix alcohol, especially in San Francisco.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Oh No Jo Bros, Say It Ain't So!
The hot sister act trio, ironically known as the Jonas Brothers has officially called it quits, for now anyway. "It's over for now," says Kevin Jonas, the eldest sister. Adds Nick, the youngest sister, "It's really hard to say 'forever'." And middle sister Joe adds, "It was a unanimous decision." Apparently Nick had misgivings about the direction the band was headesd and wanted to be edgier. Excuse me but I think gender bending rock is incredibly edgy!
Monday, October 28, 2013
R.I.P. Lou Reed
The world has lost a great musician. Lou Reed, most famous for his early 1970s hit "Walk on the Wild Side" passed away Sunday. It is not clear at the moment the cause of death, although Reed did have a liver transplant in May. He was 71. Reed was born and raised on Long Island, attended Syracuse University, and was a founding member of the Velvet Underground, allowing him to be at the forefront of New York's gritty art and music scene. He was closely associated with Andy Warhol who was the Velvet Underground's manager. Reed's songs were not pretty, they were real, and dealt with topics like his own bisexuality, drug use and being an outsider. Reed is survived by his wife, performance artist Laurie Anderson. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
R.I.P. Marcia Wallace
This is so sad...Via Entertainment Weekly:
As Edna Krabappel on The Simpsons, Marcia Wallace may be the only 4th-grade teacher to have the same student for 24 years. Before that, she was beloved as Carol Kester, the lovelorn, wisecracking secretary on The Bob Newhart Show.
Wallace, who was a breast cancer survivor for 28 years, has died at age 70, according to the showrunner of The Simpsons. “I was tremendously saddened to learn this morning of the passing of the brilliant and gracious Marcia Wallace,” producer Al Jean said in a statement to EW. “She was beloved by all at The Simpsons and we intend to retire her irreplaceable character.”
I have loved The Simpsons for as long as I can remember, and to all my fellow fans out there, we know what a blow this is. Mrs. Krabappel was the teacher we all wished we could bum smokes off of, and Marcia Wallace was the reason she was so great. Her couldn't care less attitude anddelightful "HA" will be missed tremendously.
Rest in Peace, Marcia, we will miss you.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Smash-ed Marriages
We knew there was something about Katharine McPhee we didn't entirely trust, and no it's not that she looks like an adult American Girl Doll. Here she is kissing Michael Morris, a director on McPhee's canceled show Smash. The only problemo here is that both McPhee and Morris are married TO OTHER PEOPLE! McPhee to some way older guy named Nick Cokas, who apparently she is separated from, and Morris to actress Mary McCormack, who, according to sources, would be devastated to learn her husband is cheating on her with the American Idol hussy. We don't want to jump to conclusions though, maybe they just tripped into each other and landed with their lips together. Who knows, but we feel terrible for Mary and hopefully she will get through this tough time. Plus, she's way prettier than Katharine McPhee!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
The E! Network is Covered in Jizz
courtesy of Kim Kardashian's Instagram
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are engaged! On Monday, Kim's 33rd birthday,
Kanye rented out AT&T Park in San Francisco where the Giants play to pop the question with a 15-carat diamond from Lorraine Schwartz. That sounds nice and all, but I'm not a big fan of two-fors, birthdays should stand alone, pick another day to get engaged, Geez Yeez!
Monday, October 21, 2013
Of Course Cee Lo Gave Someone Ecstasy
Via CNN:
Los Angeles (CNN) -- CeeLo Green won't be charged with sexual assault, but the "Voice" coach will be prosecuted for allegedly giving ecstasy to a female victim, the Los Angeles district attorney's office said Monday.
Green, 39, "allegedly slipped ecstasy to a 33-year-old female while the two were dining at a downtown Los Angeles restaurant sometime between July 13 and July 14, 2012," according to a statement from the prosecutor. "The two later went back to the woman's hotel."
The district attorney's office cited insufficient evidence for the decision not to file a charge of rape of an intoxicated person.
Hmmm...I'm gonna see how this plays out before I make any jokes that could be construed as "shitty" or "who the hell is dumb enough to be slipped ecstasy-ish" but yeah-I'm gonna go ahead and say if you are going on a dinner date with someone who has the voice of a fantasy dragon and dresses like Darth Vader's gay son, then ecstasy will definitely be on the menu. Everyone probably should have known that by now, but we aren't all scientists now are we?
HOTTIE OF THE DAY!
Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World
He can teach us a condescending History lesson any day!
Kanye West Tells Kim Kardashian What Not to Wear
Oh yeah, we'd totally trust this dude's fashion sense. In her first interview since having a baby, Kim Kardashian reveals to the London Sunday Times Style "You want your guy to think you're really hot. I'll put something on and he'll [Kanye] say, 'No that doesn't look good', and I'll trust him." Because I'm a moron. Just kidding, she didn't say that, but she might as well have. The last man I let tell me what to wear was my cat Mr. Frisky, but I stopped taking his advice after he told me to mix polka dots and paisley, can you imagine?! Some men think they know it all!
There Was an Actual Funeral for Walter White; Because People are Fucking Crazy
Now let me first start out by saying that when Breaking Bad ended, I cried like a little baby girl into a pile of blue rock candy because I literally loved that fucking show. It was my teacher, mother, secret lover. BUT I understood the thin line between television and reality thanks to a Blossom incident I had several years ago-I won't go into details, but let's just say that Mayim Bialik punches like an angry man. ANYWHO...apparently there was not only this obituary, but a funeral procession, programs, and an actual grave site with an actual headstone for Walter White. Fans were even allowed to throw dirt on the grave. Now, this was also a charity event, and it raised $17,000 for Healthcare for the Homeless, so I guess that's good-but it also pissed off a lot of people for good reason because their loved ones final resting places were being disturbed by a bunch of idiots mourning the loss of a fictional fucking character.
So I guess the upshot it; you don't need to make a spectacle to raise money for a charity, especially when the character you're mourning showed you how profitable the meth industry is.
Oh yeah and uh...don't do or sell meth-you will have a BAD TIME.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
I'm Pretty Sure Pharrell Williams Married Himself
AMIRIGHT? Yes...Yes I am.
Pharrell Williams married his blonde double, Helen Somethingican'tspell, the other day-and I honestly can't get a hard on to write anything about them, but they do look like, exactly the same right? The left is him in repose, and the right is him in a music video...I can't be the only one that sees this, and I sure can't be the only one that sees a unicorn crawling on my wall *looks down* Waitaminute...this isn't MY peyote.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
So Jaden Smith is a Douche
...But I'm sure you already knew that.
I'm not on Twitter, and I feel like if I was, following a 15 year old would be creepy-but boy oh boy was I missing out! I had no idea such rampant douchery could spew from a kid who is only 15 and should be hiding magazines and balled up tissues from his mom. Not this guy-please do enjoy some of Jaden Smith's Twitter Douche Gems:
-If newborn babies could speak, they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth
-"It's your birthday" Mateo said. I didn't respond. "Are you not excited to be 15?" He asked. Reading my book I uttered "I turned 15 a long time ago."
-"If everyone in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society.
-Trees are never sad look at them every once in a while they are quite beautiful.
-How can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real?
Some people may say it's mean for an adult person of my age who is over 18 but still young enough to live in the house mom to make fun of a 15 year old but to this I say...come on-this kid fucking sucks.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Walter White's Underwear Sold for $9,900
But when I try to sell my underwear for a dollar, I get asked to leave Target. Yeah, that's fair.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Aww...The Jenner Family Christmas Card
90 year old woman Bruce Jenner, who looks over the moon happy to be separated from Eater of Souls Kris, flipped off some paparazzi with the two not-yet-significant offspring while at a golf course. I don't really understand-I mean the Jenner/Kardashian folk flipping off the paparazzi is equivalent to fish flipping off the ocean. Without them, they are NOTHING. Ask your sixteen year old kid who Bruce Jenner is and do you think that they will be like "an amazing athlete from the 1970's with legs that won't quit"? Nope...they will say "that scary woman who was taken hostage by that thing under my bed, and then escaped Shawshank style."
Truth: live it, learn it.
The Family That Breaks Up Together Gets Press Together
This is how you emasculate an Olympian
Completely cutting Khloe in line, Kris and Bruce Jenner have announced they are separated after 22 years together. I guess this is old news for anyone who actually watches Keeping Up with the Kardashians, since it seems Bruce is always this close to being written off the show. Apparently the changes in lifestyle were just too much for Bruce to deal with, and he no longer felt comfortable in his own home, with hundreds of people around always filming. Bruce, you should have known when you got into this family, gypsies are pack animals who travel in large groups, duh!
Monday, October 7, 2013
R.I.P. Linny Boyette
You may not recognize the name, but chances are if you have watch The Today Show in the last 20 years, you have seen this man in their live audience on Rockefeller Center Plaza. Linny Boyette was a Today superfan who took the subway from his home in the Bronx to Manhattan Monday through Friday to reserve his spot at 5:30 AM. Boyette was a military veteran who was born in England. He passed away from complications of a heart attack. He was 71 years old. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his friends and family.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Chris Brown Lost His Virginity at 8 Years Old. That Seems About Right.
Good Golly Miss Molly! Chris Brown recently claimed in an interview with the UK Guardian that he lost his virginity at the ripe old age of 8. Brown explains by saying "It's different in the country." Brown was raised in rural Virginia. Brown goes on to say that by starting so young he was able to practice a lot and become the best at it. I assume if there weren't any girls around, he would just practice on barnyard animals, bein' from the country an' all. Brown also states, "Most women won't have any complaints if they've been with me. They can't really complain. It's all good." For some reason, and I just can't put my fist on it, that doesn't seem true.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
What America Needs is a Burger with a Bun Made Out of Macaroni and Cheese!
Ergo
So, don't think that I don't think this looks awesome, but ask yourself, in a country where it's a struggle for many to clear the shelves on either side of a supermarket aisle, is it necessary to introduce such a savory treat? I mean, we already have "the Doubledown." The newest artery clogger is Chicago's Rockit Burger Bar's Mac Daddy, or Mac Attack, we're kind of unclear about the name. But one thing is definitely clear, We're gonna need a bigger booth.
Sorry For Being Late on This; But Here is Your Daily Douche
Yes, that is Justin Bieber ascending the Great Wall of China on the arms of stronger men. I don't know how to comment on this...uhm, I think I'm having a stroke from douchery overload. Down I go...
*passes out, wakes up*
Oh my God-you guys...In Hell-EVERYBODY IS JUSTIN BIEBER'S HATS.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Mia Farrow's Son Is Probably Frank Sinatra's, Not Woody Allen's
Uhm no fucking shit?
So Mia Farrow's son, Ronan, is most likely Frank Sinatra's, not Woody Allen's. Uhm-yeah, cuz I'm pretty sure Woody Allen's son would look more like this:
So yeah-science.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Chesty Leroux Rears Her Newly Blond Head
Finally, I'm free to be the trashy gypsy I was born to be!
You'd think being in Paris for Paris Fashion Week, Kim Kardashian might be able to find a shirt that fits her, but alas, you would be wrong. I thought Kanye West was trying to class her up. She must have snuck out under my grandmother's coat.
Not a Fanson!
Some random guy snuck onto Hanson's tour bus in Seattle, and spit on the littlest Hanson, Zac. Zac is 27 years old now and a father to about 10 children, but he will always be the little grungy cherub to us! What deranged psychopath would do such a thing? It's like signing his own death warrant, Hell hath no fury like an angry fanson! For his part, Zac laughed off the incident, and told his fans via twitter, "Gonna be a good show tonight, I cleaned off all the spit and I am feeling ready to go!" Oh Mmmboppp!
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