Whoopi Goldberg is Opening Up a Medical Marijuana Company

 

 Whoopi Goldberg is going to be providing period pain relief with the best medicine of all: weed.  The company, Whoopi & Maya will be providing edibles and other fun weed accessories to ladies suffering from that bastard, the period.  Brava, ladies. 

Iggy Azalea Bangs Sexy Horse after Nick Young Cheats on Her

 

Apparently I-G-G-Y has been fucked over by Nick Young, who stupidly admitted on videotape that he cheated on Iggy...a fucking lot.  

Via UsWeekly:

 As previously reported, the video that was allegedly secretly filmed by Young’s Laker teammate D’Angelo Russell. In the video, Young can be heard detailing his various sexcapades. It’s unclear how the video was leaked.
This isn’t the first time that Azalea, who got engaged to Young last June after dating for 21 months, has been confronted with rumors of infidelity.
"Hey, that’s part of being a basketball player. There’s always something," she joked to 92.3 AMP Radio's Shoboy in the Morning last week. "When people come out and say things, and have their entire [press plan] where they do 700 interviews about the one time you catcalled me out of a car supposedly, to me that takes a bit of the potential authenticity of the story away. I believe my man, and Nick is a super nice guy. This is not the kind of thing he would do."

 Damn-gotta say, dick move by D'Angelo Russell...I mean, everyone knows NBA players like to fuck around but that is some third grade, tattletale bullshit.  And filming it?  Come on, bro.  That's worse than the time Janice from marketing filmed me stealing scones from the goddam break room.  I THOUGHT THEY WERE FOR EVERYONE JANICE!! 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Jim Lahey

 

It's not just the liquor, bud...he's a stone cold hottie.

R.I.P. Patty Duke

 

Oscar winning actress Patty Duke has died at age 69 of sepsis from a ruptured intestine, according to one of her reps.  Many will recall Duke's performance in The Miracle Worker which won her the Oscar, and The Patty Duke Show.  She was a great talent and a mental health advocate, gone too soon.  

Rest easy, Patty.

Is Brad Pitt Cheating on Angelina Jolie? Probably, Says Your Aunt's Hairdresser

 

There's been rumors swirling around Brad Pitt's golden cock regarding his "flirtatious" relationship with bi-sexual squad leader Cara Delevingne.  This "news" comes just days after the other swirling divorce rumors, claiming that Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be ending their marriage  That's two swirls here, folks...which means one thing: A RUMOR HURRICANE!!!!   In a related story...doing mushrooms at work will make velvety smooth cheesecake jeans.  

R.I.P. Garry Shandling

One of the funniest guys around, Garry Shandling, has died at age 66 of an apparent heart attack. Shandling was a pioneer in the field of docu-comedy and just an all around king of comedy.  Rest easy, man-you showed everyone how to do comedy right. 

Joe Giudice Will Be Deported

  

Tax fraud enthusiast and serial (and cereal, who the fuck knows?) cheater Joe Giudice will be beginning his 41 month prison sentence followed by a deportation to Italy.  For those of you who don't spend your time in a Snuggie watching Bravo reruns while yelling at the TV, Joe Giudice is the husband of Real Housewife of New Jersey, Teresa Giudice.  The more you know.

So Katt Williams is Fighting Children Now

The Kat Williams crazy train made a stop in "assault of a minor-berg" today as a video featuring the pint sized comedian and conspiracy theorist punching a FUCKING SEVENTH GRADER has gone viral.  Click above for the disturbing video and just remember folks...the only cat you can trust is Garfield.

R.I.P. Phife Dawg

 

 Phife Dawg, a founding member of A Tribe Called Quest and all around awesome dude has passed away at the age of 46.  His clever wordplay and brilliant songwriting launched Tribe into the hip hop stratosphere.  Rest easy, man-you will be missed.

Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry are Making Beautiful, Sticky, Glittery Music Together

 

All righty let's get this Wednesday started...

Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom are now officially dating, according to this picture and the voices in my head.  The two were first linked in January but January can go fuck itself because it's March bitches!! Sorry, I've been taking mood elevators and let's just say...there's a reason they don't call them mood stairs. 

Top Chef Winner Arrested for Beating his Girlfriend

That pretty mug belongs to Paul Qui, the ninth season winner of Top Chef.  This douche also loves to beat women, and was arrested in Austin for doing just that.  Hmm...season nine winner of a cooking show...does this really count as news?  No?  All right then, back to watching porn in my cubicle with the sound low so that jerk Kevin doesn't tell on me again...seriously, fuck you, Kevin work.

Terrorist Attacks in Brussels Kill Dozens

Via UsMagazine and NBC:

A series of explosions took place in Brussels this morning, Tuesday, March 22, killing at least 26 people, major news outlets have reported.
Up to two blasts occurred at the city's Brussels' Zaventem Airport, with the country's major broadcaster, RTBF, initially reporting deaths of at least 21 and more than 30 injuries. Hours later, the number of people killed includes at least 26 people, according to NBC News. 

The airport explosion has been ruled a suicide attack.  This is fucking terrible.  Please pray for everyone involved. 

Hulk Hogan May Have Just Gotten the Biggest Payday of His Career

 

Professional buffoon and special Olympian Hulk Hogan has been awarded $115 million dollars in the Gawker sex tape case because God hates us all and this is how he is showing it.  After the verdict, the Hulkster tweeted 

"Thank you God for justice, only love 4life. HH."

Great, now he can use the money to get those late-term abortions he so desperately needs.  If Brooke and Nick had any fans-wait a minute...nevermind. 

Madonna May Need to Go Back to the Home

 

So old lady Madonna is at it again.  This time, she kept a crowd in Brisbane waiting for two and a half hours before delivering an especially sloppy performance.  You can check out the video HERE and marvel at the fact that a five thousand year old mummy can still stumble like a three thousand year old mummy.

Frank Sinatra Jr. Has Died

 

Frank Sinatra Jr. has died of a massive heart attack at the age of 72.  The crooner passed in a Daytona Beach hospital.  

I'll always remember Jr. fondly for his appearances on Family Guy, as Brian's singing partner in the Cabana Club.  He will be missed. Rest easy, Jr.

Enjoy the video below:

Check This Shit Out and Be Happy You Are Sane

This story has been making the rounds for some reason...Nannette Hammond, a mentally challenged woman from the depths of your worst nightmare, has spent half a million dollars to look like a "Barbie Doll".  Spoiler alert...she does not look like a Barbie, but rather a ninety pound sack of what a Barbie Doll would look like if your dog shit her out.

Warning: This Picture will Make your Penis Hang Itself

Because this whole presidential race is now just a circus, here is Hillary Clinton posing with some fellow chicks with dicks.  Most notably among them is Caitlyn Jenner, who posted this photo after calling Mr. Hillary a "fucking liar" (I mean she's not "lying to three wives" bad or even "killing an innocent woman because of reckless driving" bad but...hey wait a minute!).  Anywho, this is a far cry from a total cunt rant that Jenner went on about how terrible Hillary is on I am Cait.  So...I guess this is how Jenner is really asserting his womanhood?  By talking shit and then smiling when Hillary enters a room?  So by the laws of high school, Caitlyn Jenner is officially a bitch.  Congrats, bitch.

Lindsay Lohan's Brother is a Model

That's right folks, the soulless ginger you see before you is Cody Lohan, aka Lindsay's youngest bro.  This family just ain't gonna stop until they finally accomplish the pinnacle of scumbags: heroin fueled auto-erotic asphyxiation.  Two kids have already failed them, it's all up to you Cody.

And This is What Weight Loss Looks like According to the Kardashians

 

Terrible couple Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian strolled somewhere the other day looking as gross as ever.  Yes Rob-don't change.  Be my lardy north star, my constant.

Sharon Osbourne Wants to Show you Her Vagina Please

 

All righty then.  

Perpetual irritant and Ozzy care-taker Sharon Osbourne was "inspired" by Kim Kardashian to take a nude selfie.  Huh...last time someone took a Kardashian's advice they got off for murder so keep on keeping on, Osbourne.  

Jodie Sweetin Ain't Having Any of this Shit

 

Okay...this is just getting so fucking stupid-if we can't make fun of meth addicts, then what the fuck is this world coming to?  ANYWHO...it seems our favorite girl, Miley Cyrus posted the above pic of Jodie Sweetin grinding her fat vagina on some bro on her social media and captioned it "Current Mood #fullerhouse" which I find fucking hysterical because COME ON IT'S FUCKING FUNNY.  Apparently though, former meth heads are the most sensitive people on the planet and their fans are even worse because now everyone is calling out Miley for being insensitive.  Hey, Sweetin-ya know what's insensitive?  Doing fucking meth and killing those poor purple pants.

OMG We Get it, Kim-You like Censor Bars Jeez

In one of the more ridiculous feuds as of late, Kim Kardashian has lashed out at Bette Midler and Chloe Moretz because what else would a 35 year old wife and mother do?  Here's the rundown, via TMZ, and let me just remind you, these are all adult humans:

Kim Kardashian went on the counterattack Monday night after she was called on the carpet for posting a bangin' nude pic that turned out to be a year old.
Kim went in for the kill with Bette Midler, who tweeted earlier, "If Kim wants us to see a part of her we've never seen, she's gonna have to swallow the camera."

Kim's response ... "I really didn't want to bring up how you sent me a gift awhile back trying to be a fake friend then come at me #dejavu."
It didn't stop there. Chloe Moretz tweeted, "I truly hope you realize how important setting goals are for young women, teaching them we have so much more to offer than just our bodies."
Kim's response ... "Let's all welcome @ChloeGMoretz to Twitter, since no one knows who she is. your nylon cover is cute boo."
And then there's Piers Morgan, who tweeted, "I know the old man's $50 million in debt, Kim -- but this is absurd. Want me to buy you some clothes?" 
Kim had some choice words for him, first, "Hey @piersmorgan never offer to buy a married woman clothes. thats on some ashley madison type s--." And get a load of her not-so-humble brag, "sorry I'm late to the party guys. I was busy cashing my 80 million video game check and transferring 53 million into our joint account." 

So, America is really scratching their heads and wondering just how in the sufferin' succotash Trump has gotten so far?  Well I don't know, maybe because this is the landscape of our country...year old photos of a chubby retarded person who we all saw get ass blasted ten years after her father sorta helped get O.J. off (heh heh).   And if that weren't enough...a feud starts over it.  A feud over a naked mentally challenged person.  Think about it, and vote Trump!

Holly Holm/Conor McGregor Crumble at UFC 196

 

Meisha Tate celebrating a long awaited victory.

 

Saturday night saw two major upsets in the UFC and what was no doubt a nervous shit in Dana White's pants.  Meisha Tate defeated Rousey assassin Holy Holm and strictly street Nate Diaz choked the fuck out of hubris ridden Conor McGregor.  Congrats to the winners...major shake-ups like this are what the UFC needs.  

 

Apparently We are Back in 1995

Via the Internets:

In another twist in the long-running O.J. Simpson saga, Los Angeles police are investigating and testing a knife that was reportedly recovered on the Brentwood property once owned by the former football star. 
The elite Robbery-Homicide Division is investigating a knife now in the possession of the Los Angeles Police Department.
The knife was apparently turned over to a police officer a number of years ago by a construction worker who was helping to raze Simpson's mansion on Rockingham Avenue, police said.
At a news conference at LAPD headquarters Friday morning, Capt. Andy Neiman said the officer was a traffic cop and was working on a movie set when he was given the knife.
Detectives learned of the knife's existence last month, and are now investigating where it came from, according to Neiman, who cautioned that the investigation is still in its early stages.
Neiman told reporters it was unclear why the officer waited nearly two decades to hand over the knife.
"I don’t know why that didn’t happen or if that’s entirely accurate or if this whole story is possibly bogus from the get-go," he said.
Attorney Carl Douglas -- a member of O.J. Simpson's legal "dream team" that secured his 1995 acquittal in the stabbing deaths of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ron Goldman -- on Friday called the story "ridiculous."
"It's amazing how the world cannot move on from this case!" Douglas said. "And it, and the media, is apparently still fascinated by everything O.J. Simpson."
Douglas said he remembers that "there were indications that two different knives may have been used. One with a straight edge, and one with a serrated edge." But he cautioned that people sometimes will do anything for 15 minutes of fame.
The officer who had the knife was retiring and apparently informed robbery-homicide detectives of the weapon's existence in the last few months. An LAPD detective informed superiors, who immediately launched an investigation into the knife's history and ordered a series of forensic tests to determine whether it had any connection with the June 12, 1994, murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Goldman.
A law enforcement source familiar with the case said the retired officer had the knife for more than a dozen years. The source noted that even if the knife were proved to have been taken from the Rockingham Avenue property, it may pre-date Simpson's ownership.
At Friday's news conference, authorities said they were also looking into what charges, if any, the officer could face if the knife turns out to be evidence that he withheld.

You know, the more I hear about this guy, the less I like him...

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Skippy, The Overlord's Underling

 

Aka Teller aka Pussy Slayer

You're All Right, Amy Adams

 

All right, let's back up a bit.

So a while back, Jennifer Lawrence went on a whiny rant about the Hollywood gender pay gap (seriously...because twenty million dollars a movie just isn't enough apparently)... anywho it sparked a bunch of bullshit and that's where our girl Amy Adams came in and told it like it is, via UsWeekly:

“I didn’t speak about it before and I’m probably not going to speak about it forever because I disagreed with ... not Jennifer per se, but people who had opinions on how women should go about negotiating,” Adams explained. “The truth is we hire people to negotiate on our behalf, men and women ... I knew I was being paid less and I still agreed to do it because the option comes down to do it or don’t do it. So you just have to decide if it’s worth it for you. It doesn’t mean I liked it.”

Pretty well put, and proof that maybe we shouldn't let 25 year old brats who are fucking millionaires write essays on not getting paid enough.  Maybe leave it to the seasoned actors who actually know how the fucking industry works.  

Hello Miley Cyrus's Nips, How are you Doin'?

 

Happy Tuesday, folks...because I love you I want to gift you with some Miley Cyrus netted boob.  You don't have to get me anything in return but I do love Carmen Sandiego computer games for a Compaq 98.