Glee Star Arrested for Possession of Child Porn

 

Ew. Ew. Ew. Fucking Glee. Fucking EW!!!

So this fucktard, Mark Salling, of Glee fame has been arrested for having hundreds of images of child pornography on his computer at his California home.  Salling is 33 years old and this is not his first time at the pervert rodeo.  In 2013, an ex-girlfriend filed a battery lawsuit against him that was settled.  Something tells me this shit will be harder to bounce back from.  Have fun singing your bullshit karaoke in prison, asshole.

Fuck you, Glee.  

 

Kat Von D and Steve-O Join Forces to Release the Most Contagious STD Known to Man

 

That's right, these two pieces of water trash are in fact banging, thereby dooming us all.  Thanks a lot, jerks.

Rob Kardashian's Diabeetus Made Khloe Sad

 

 Whatsup kids?  Let's rap about some diabetes...

So apparently Rob Kardashian has been diagnosed with diabetes (surprise, surprise) which gave Khloe Kardashian the golden opportunity to do her best pouty face on Instagram with the caption "melancholy".  Seriously...this is what happened.

ROB:  I've been diagnosed with the diabetes, sis.

KHLOE: OMG!! OMG!! This is great..exploiting Lamar is so yesteryear...hold on...

ROB: It's pretty bad...

KHLOE: SHUT UP!! Makeup!! Okay, okay...*pouts lips* I need a smart word for sad-hey insulin boy-fetch me the thesaurus-and while you're at it-my daily goat sacrifice please.  

ROB: Yes master. 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Family Guy's Gary Busey

He's doin' great!

This is Pretty Fucking Creepy

Okay, above is a Christmas card from Nick Gordon, featuring a photoshopped Bobbi Kristina Brown, along with digital added presents and Santa hats.  Now, I don't want to judge someone who has lost their loved one, but I swear to God if I die and I find myself on some jerk's Christmas card and it isn't fucking Scrooged themed, then someone is getting a ghost dick in their mouth when they are sleeping.

Ahh, Pandering

Hey guys!  Hope everyone had a nice Christmas, or if you are anything like my family, a quietly tense, wine-soaked one.  Okay, so above is a very staged Clinton family walk with Hilary and Bill Clinton, and their "granddaughter" (read: a pile of rags) being pushed around by Chelsea as her husband quietly tried to get hit by a cab.  So a couple of things:  first off, how awesome is it that there is a "Head" tennis bag right behind Bill?  I mean...come on-if that's not an angel with a wicked sense of humor setting that shit up then I don't know what is.  Second: what's with the technicolor dream coat?  That alone is going to cost her the presidency...that and you know...the fact that she's just a sad robot. 

Merry Christmas!

 

 Well guys, it's time for us to take our annual holiday nap but before we do, we just want to wish all of our readers a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!  We don't tell you enough, but we love you as more than a friend.  Have a safe and happy holiday you guys. 

Teresa Giudice Released from Prison

(Photo: People.com)

"Teresa Dufresne-who crawled through a river of shit just to come out in New Jersey..."

Happy Wednesday you sexy animals!  Here, for your viewing pleasure is the first picture of our favorite Jersey buffoon, Teresa Giudice, being driven home from prison.  Why is she not in the front seat?  Because the whole damn thing is being filmed (note the pageant makeup).  Well, we gotta say, welcome back to society Teresa, there's so much that's happened since you've been away...Miley Cyrus's fake penis, the Caitlyn Jenner circus, and of course, a whole years worth of Modern Family. Oh! and pre-holocaust type rhetoric from our next president, Donald Trump.

Welcome home,bitch. We love you.      

Merry Christmas-Here's a Weird Video You Might Enjoy

Hey kids...ever wonder what kind of weirdo Kevin from Home Alone would grow up to be, seeing as he was abandoned by his family at Christmas?  Well if so, please click above and enjoy!

Michael Lohan Arrested in Battery Case; "No Surprise There" Says the World

Michael Lohan was booked on a battery charge involving his estranged wife, Kate Major.  I mean, let's be honest, if you're entering into a relationship with a Lohan, chances are there's a turtleneck mugshot in your future.  These are things we know.  

Steve Harvey Should Just Stick to Shaking His Head on Family Feud

 

 

So Steve Harvey fucked up royally when announcing the winner for Miss Universe...by crowning the wrong lady.  The Family Feud host mistakenly called Miss Colombia the winner, and then had to backtrack, because the actual winner was this lovely lady representing the Philippines.  Of course, the crown and flowers had to be taken away from the runner up, making for some very awkward television.  You can catch  most of the terrible-ness HERE. 

 

Well, well, well, Mr. Harvey...looks like you've been knocked off your high horse...so next time an obese dumbass from Wisconsin is on your show and yells out "NAKED GRAMMA!" for an answer, I don't think you still have the clout to shake your head and say we are all going to hell. 



God Damn, Elizabeth Hurley!

 

Here is 50 year old Elizabeth Hurley looking fucking amazing with some wolves for her Christmas card this year...let this be a lesson to you all...there is nothing better for your body than banging Hugh Grant just before he became a deviant and riding that rocket ship to the top.

Courtney Cox and Matthew Perry Might Be Having Gross 90's Sitcom Sex

Monica "Big Fat Goalie" Geller and Ms. Chanandler Bong are now "hooking up", according to sources like Gunther from Central Perk and Bong's closeted actor roommate.  Are these "Friends" references lifting your skirt?  No?  All right, fair enough.  The two really are reportedly dating though, so ya know, suck on that sandwich.  

Why Kesha, There's Something Different about You

 

Everyone's favorite piece of water trash, Kesha was spotted at the airport the other day sporting some big old lips.  She is now ready to star in Glitter Bitch: The Melanie Griffith Story.

This...This Just Doesn't Look Good

 

I'm not sure if it's Kourtney's dead eyes, Khloe's Bratz-Doll face, or Kylie's camel toe but there's just something so off about this picture...I mean besides the weird corsets and the fact that someone is clearly taking the picture and Kylie is taking a picture of that fact.  Not a mirror image, not meta...all retarded. 

Wanna Puke?

 Hey gals!  Get that holiday weight under control by throwing up after every meal with the help of this vomit aide, which is just Lena Dunham jiggling in her gross onesie underwear.  Click the video and get to puking!  Show that size 0 dress and that bitch Jenna from marketing who the fuck is boss. 

Here's Some Bitches Sent by Satan to Make you Hate Life

 

Bella Hadid, Lottie Moss, and Kris Jenner's vaginal discharge during their Vogue shoot.

Hey!  Remember when in order to be in a magazine like Vogue, you needed to have either accomplished something in your life or be an actual model/entertainer?  Well, thank God those days are over, said Lucifer while stroking his soul patch.  

Justin Bieber and Kourtney Kardashian are Banging...Maybe

So according to the talking, lobotomized mannequins at Access Hollywood, Justin Bieber and Kourtney Kardashian are hooking up...gross style.  Now, this is all still conjecture but why the fuck not?  I mean, can it really get any worse for either of them?  This informed consumer says yes. 

 

I'm confusing.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Powdered Toast Man

 

If you can find a hotter piece of homoerotic toast...you buy it. 

Oh, FUCK NO!

Hell-bound pervert and half-human Jared Fogle apparently tried to get roofies to fucking drug child victims, according to his accomplice, Russell Taylor (who got 27 years in prison while Fogle got 15.6 years).  Also according to Russell, the first day the two met, Fogle told him a joke that referenced sex with children, and that's when they hit it off. 

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to douse my computer in Purrell and then burn it, because even writing about these two monsters makes me feel icky as fuck. 

 

I hope both of you get raped to shit in prison. 

Camille Paglia Slams Taylor Swift's Girl Squad Nonsense

So basically, feminist writer Camille Paglia called out Taylor Swift's "girl squad" (which I am convinced is just some cover for a high class cocaine mule operation) for being a "tittering", "silly" and presenting a regressive public image.  My favorite quote is when she called Heir Swift "Nazi Barbie". 

 

I mean, I don't really understand the whole girl squad thing anyway, and of course it looks like a bunch of retards at the aquarium, but maybe Paglia should just calm the fuck down and make me a sandwich.    

Circus Freak Update: Tan Mom Edition

Remember this fucking lady?  Well get your spank bank ready to receive a big deposit of turkey jerky because here she is today!

And Kim and Kanye Named their Son...

Saint.  They named him Saint because we live in a fucking circus.  

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

The Chief from Danger 5

 

 

Your mission: go on Netflix and watch Danger 5...and, as always, kill Hitler.

Kim and Kanye Had Their Spawn

All righty let's do this...

 

So over the weekend, Kim and Kanye West had their son...which brings the grand total of gypsies to somewhere in the hundreds.  Also, Caitlyn Jenner gave Kylie an underwear and bra set with Caitlyn's face all over them...because despite what everyone says, Caitlyn Jenner is a fucking douche nozzle.  There...two Kardashian posts compiled into one...you're welcome America. 

 



R.I.P. Robert Loggia

I hate bombarding you guys with obituaries to start the weekend, but Robert Loggia has died at the age of 85.  Many of you remember him from Scarface, Big, or any other number of big Hollywood films, but personally, I loved that he had a wicked sense of humor that he showcased on a cameo of Family Guy.  Rest in Peace, Mr. Loggia. 

 



R.I.P. Scott Weiland

Scott Weiland, lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver, has died at the age of 48, following a hard battle with addiction.  Weiland was known for a dynamic stage presence, instantly recognizable voice, and immense talent.  Rest in peace, brother.  Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family.   

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Bob Pinciotti

 

Hey Bob, want some pie?

Oh God Ew

 

 So have you ever been jerking off and your grandma accidentally jumps into the mental mix and you're like "NO!!!!"  Well here is the real life version of that...72 year old Holland Taylor and 40 year old Sarah Paulson are bumping biscuits and there's no way you can unknow that.

Here Comes Crazy!

Our favorite mental patient, Amanda Bynes was out and about in Hollywood the other day, looking just as off the beam as ever!  I tots can't wait for the next rant, Mandy...make it a good one!

Please Do Enjoy This Creepy Shit

 

 

I don't know what it is, but I know it must be stopped.

 

So Kylie Jenner posed for Interview Magazine because she's 18 and will force her ass on us whether we asked for it or not.  In related news, I bet that guy's lower back is itching like crazy right now.

 

Show of hands...who got the crabs reference?  

The World's Most Boring Couple Broke Up

That's right folks, Monica and TightSweater McMynipsdon'tshow have called it quits...I can hear you yawning already so I'm gonna just leave it at that because, honestly-does anyone care why?  Tell ya what, if it involved a sex change or dragons I'll let you know.  Let's just assume for now that it was because she called dinner "supper" and he kept tripping over her orthopedics. 

Please Watch and Enjoy PSY's Latest!

 

It's fucking amazing.  

So Sinead O'Connor Seems Pretty Fucked Up

 

Okay, so I'm still a little unclear on everything that's happening here, but basically, Sinead O'Connor took a page from every teenage drama queen's handbook and wrote a suicide note on Facebook, said her whole family was dead to her, then kept posting drama-ridden messages alluding to her harming herself and now is pleading with her family to come visit her in the hospital.  Listen, I totally get that sometimes people go through hard shit, but I don't know...posting a suicide note on Facebook?  I don't want to be uncaring or cold here, but I've read a lot of the posts she put up and it definitely does seem like she needs a TON of mental help.  Here's hoping you get some top notch care, Sinead.