Just When I Thought Joe Jonas Couldn't Couldn't Get Any Cooler . . .

He goes and blames Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato for pressuring him to smoke weed.
Jonas said he had not been exposed to marijuana until the two little girls pressured him to smoke the ganja when he was about 18, and they were about 6. Cyrus denies Jonas's claim and proving she is clearly smoking more than just weed, says he is only saying she and Demi forced him to do drugs because he wants to look like a badass! Well now that his band has broken up, how do you expect people to know Joe Jonas one tough mutha?!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! WE GOIN ON BREAK!

 

 

Merry Christmas beautiful readers!  We are going to take a few days off starting after I finish this post to celebrate Jesus's birthday and drink heavily.  We hope everyone has a beautiful holiday and continues to be tasteless. I personally hope Santa brings me that carton of Malboro Lights, and 1000 scratchers I asked nicely for...we shall see.  Anyway-MERRY CHRISTMAS!



Oh Good-Charlie Sheen Said Something He Left out of His Christmas Card This Year



 

Well, it looks like Charlie Sheen has gotten into the crack  eggnog and is on another rant...this time it's geared towards ex, Denise Richards.  Via TMZ:

 

 

Charlie Sheen has declared nuclear war on his ex-wife Denise Richards ... blasting her as a "heartless" and "ugly" hag who's holding their children hostage.
Sheen just blasted Richards ... again ... this time, he's furious that Denise won't let their children visit him to exchange Christmas gifts.
Charlie expressed his anger in a series of texts ... saying, "lemme see if I got this straight; you won't even spring the girls for 30 mins, from the 10 mil house I gave you, (100 yds away) to come down and open the gifts their dad bought them before they leave??"

"I hope your stocking is  bronze-age coal stuffed along with an assortment of 8x10's of yours so you can see how despicable and heartlessly ugly you and your fermented soul continue to be."

He added, "hash tag. hag shag."

Charlie also says despite the fact Denise won't let him see the kids, she had the "audacity" to ask him to borrow his private jet to go on the big family trip that she banned him from.

Charlie says he went to Denise's home to plead with her to change her mind and to deliver gifts to the kids, but was not allowed to see them.

Charlie concludes, "This is the worst Xmas I've ever had."

 

 

Awwwwww....it's the worst Christmas he ever had?  Where is Linus Van Pelt when you need him?  I am sure we aren't getting the whole story here, but maybe just maybe if Charlie Sheen spent as much time getting his shit together as he does writing almost poetic, insane, rambling, yet beautiful, threatening texts to his ex-wife, they would have that Very Special Charlie Sheen Christmas Spectacular he always dreamed of whilst nodded off on a pile of hookers and blow in front of the fireplace.  Memories.

Taylor Swift...Get Away from that Young Lady

 

Oh good, I'm glad she's moved on to underage girls now...give those private school boys a break.  That's Haylee Steinfeld by the way, the girl from True Grit, in case you care-which you don't.  You only come here for the dick jokes don't you?  DON'T YOU??????  Oh I'm sorry, we shouldn't fight around the holidays.  I love you too.  

And penis.  That was for you.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Frank Cross

 

Spooky hot!

A Redneck Said Something Red-necky? Nooooo....

 

Phil Robertson, one of the pre-packaged "down home folks" from Duck Dynasty done got hisself in a heap o' trouble after spouting off anti-gay comments to GQ. Via TMZ:

 

"Duck Dynasty" patriarch Phil Robertson is blasting gays ... and not in the usual Bible-thumping way -- instead he's going off about the benefits of vagina as compared to a man's a**hole.
Robertson went on a rant about religion, homosexuality, and a bunch of other things in an interview with GQ -- saying, "It seems like to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me."
He adds, "There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on dudes! But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man."
Phil continued his verbal attack by claiming society's become too accepting of sin. He says, "Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and those men ... they won't inherit the kingdom of God. It's not right."As for whether his comments will affect "Duck Dynasty" ratings -- Phil doesn't seem concerned about the show's long term future, saying ... "It's a TV show. This thing ain't gonna last forever. No way."

So this just goes to show...you can shove these hicks down America's throat, put their displays in Barnes & Noble and market their Christmas album, but in the end, the most senile one is gonna say something hateful and ironically, un-Christian.  Shrewd move TLC.  You can't put lipstick on a retarded bigot and call him your aunt Sally...or something.

Oh by the way, does anybody else totally think he's gay?  I mean-he DOES know an awful lot about the mechanics of gay sex...HMMMMMMMMMMM.





R.I.P. Daniel Escobar

 

Via Us Weekly:

 

Daniel Escobar, an actor who appeared opposite Hilary Duff on Disney's Lizzie McGuire, has died, The Hollywood Reporter said Tuesday, Dec. 17. He was 49.

According to the site, Escobar passed away on Friday, Dec. 13, at a hospital in L.A. He had been suffering complications from diabetes.

A trained Shakespearean actor, the star was best known as Lizzie McGuire's teacher Mr. Escobar, a role he played from 2001 to 2002. He also recurred on Dharma & Greg and had guest appearances on shows including Weeds, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Malcolm in the Middle, Two and a Half Men, and How I Met Your Mother.

Very, very sad.  God Bless Daniel.



HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Ralphie from A Christmas Story

 

 

Christmas never felt so HOT!

Sorry to do Another Kardahsian Post But...

This just made me so happy...



 

Click on the link above for a fun little video featuring super-mom Kourtney Kardashian telling photographers in her signature monotone to "shut the fuck up" (while holding her child, no less...CLASS!).  You know, because she values her privacy.  Oh, and my favorite part is that she tells the photogs to leave her alone when she's with her kids-you know-the ones she will parade around on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and the dozen other E! shows that feature everyone's favorite band of gypsies.  

 

 

Aw Khloe Kardashian is Trying to Tell Us Something...

 

 

Because when you have something to say about your divorce...say it with a sweatshirt from Drake's clothing line.  It's what George Washington would do.

R.I.P. Peter O'Toole

 

Hollywood lost a real talent AND personality today...Via MSN:

 

 

 

LONDON (AP) — Known on the one hand for his starring role in "Lawrence of Arabia," leading tribesmen in daring attacks across the desert wastes, and on the other for his headlong charges into drunken debauchery, Peter O'Toole was one of the most magnetic, charismatic and fun figures in British acting.
O'Toole, who died Saturday at age 81 after a long bout of illness, was fearsomely handsome, with burning blue eyes and a penchant for hard living which long outlived his decision to give up alcohol. Broadcaster Michael Parkinson told Sky News television it was hard to be too sad about his passing.
"Peter didn't leave much of life unlived, did he?" he said, chuckling.


Rest in Peace, Peter...you were one of the greats.  God Bless.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Pat Sajack

It's not puzzling why this host with the most is so hot!

There's Something About Narcissus

Cameron Diaz got in on the selfie craze posting a photo of herself (makeup free!) hugging a copy of her new Body Book? What the hell is a body book? Hmm, I have a sudden urge to watch Being John Malkovich

Tila Tequila Claims Paul Walker Was Murdered...Oh and She's into Nazis-Why Not?

Okay-there is like way too much crazy to get out here: not only does Tila Tequila think that Paul Walker was a victim of "ritualistic murder" but also is apparently some kind of confused Hitler loving cunt...who knew?

  Via Newsday:
On Sunday, Dec. 8, the former MTV star wrote a message linking the February death of 21-year-old Canadian woman Elisa Lam with actor Walker's fatal Nov. 30 car crash in Santa Clarita, Calif. Tequila claimed that both were the victims of a "ritualistic murder." (The Los Angeles County Coroner's Office ruled both deaths as accidental. Lam was found dead in a rooftop water tank of the Cecil Hotel in L.A.)

 BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Via UsWeekly:
Tila Tequila, a former Maxim model and reality star of MTV's "A Shot at Love," has revealed she is an Adolf Hitler sympathizer.
The former "Pants-Off Dance-Off" host, 32, took to her blog on Dec. 7 with a lengthy pro-Hitler rant, "Why I Sympathize With Hitler Part 1: True History Revealed." It's an angry, stream-of-consciousness spew, rife with grammatical errors and CAPS LOCK that only vaguely hints at the "facts" Tequila says made her change her mind about Hitler.
Maybe she was confident the photos of the World War II Nazi leader with children would sway her readers.
"I am not going to sit here and say that I hate Jewish people because that is not the case nor is this about Jews," she writes in the intro. "I, just like you, used to view Hitler as an atrocious monster! How could such EVIL exist in this world? ... I was merely brainwashed just like all of you have been.
"Sure of course there will always be casualties of war and those of you who oppose my views or want to say hateful things about me for sympathizing with Hitler need to realize just how deep this ------ up propaganda goes in attempts to cover up the true historical facts that took place."
Tequila, a Singaporean-American, addresses Jews directly, writing, "You were not the only ones" who have died in war, using her grandparents (prisoners of war during Vietnam) as examples: "... do you see me constantly focusing on that? Or bringing up some -------- brainwashing media machine if they wanted to focus on all of the horrible deaths and tortures that my people also went through during the Vietnam War? ... Not to mention a billion other horror stories but do you see any of my people complain or whine about that?"
Her official website, called Ms. Tila Truth at anonymoustruthblog.com, has a politics section in which she has written about 9/11"lies," government corruption and outer space. She's written several other posts about Hitler, but has yet to publish the subsequent parts of "Why I Sympathize With Hitler" she promises in the initial post.

 Okay okay-I guess we should all just do the obvious thing and ignore her psychotic ramblings but HOLY SHIT is she allowed to live by herself?  Seriously...can she even work a toilet?  I feel like there is nothing you can even say-she did a damn good job of making herself look like an asshole-true to form, which I like in a woman.

Madonna Let That Boy Out Of Her Basement

 

25 year old Brahim Zaibat and 478 year old Madonna have reportedly split up, because of "conflicting schedules" which I find hard to believe cuz he's her backup dancer, and you can't get much more non-conflicting than that.  I think the real reason is right here; a note left by Zaibat in Madonna's vagina.  I had my best archeologists dig it out for this story.  It's called journalism, folks:

 

 

Tis been a fortnight since I have seen the sunshine.  Madame only opens her legs to pee, and when she does-O! what a beautiful sight I experience.  The porcelain of her toilet bowl brings me a white shine of hope-almost as though it is beckoning for me to escape.  I have been trapped in the torn roughage of Madame for nearly three weeks, but I know I am going home.  My only company is a man named Jimmy Hoffa, who has grown mad from isolation and refuses to try to escape.  His insane rants shan't deter me.  I will escape-and tell the world my story.  For now, I shall try to survive on this Snickers bar and Crystal Pepsi that were stashed here by some unnamed traveler, whom I hope escaped.  If you find this note-please-share with the world the horrors I have endured in here.

 

-Brahim Zaibat

 

 

Indeed. 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Joyce

 

 I don't know who she is or where she came from but I love this mysterious beauty.

Oh Big Surprise-Kanye West is a Douche

 

  That is the face of a man so satisfied with himself he doesn't even NEED to look like he has a frontal lobe.

Okay, so lately, Kanye West has compared himself to everyone from Kurt Cobain to Nelson Mandela (which he denies) but I think it's this latest comparison that will finally get him a much deserved head-butting: Via NY Daily News:

"I'm just giving of my body on the stage and putting my life at risk, literally," West said to host Garrett, referring to his tour performances of songs like "Can't Tell Me Nothing" and "Coldest Winter," during which he stands on top of a moving mountain.
"That mountain goes really, really high," he continued. "And if I slipped … You never know. And I think about it. I think about my family and I'm like ‘Wow, this is like being a police officer or something, in war or something.’"

Oh yes, Kanye, singing your nonsense experimental crap on stage while colorful lights dance on your duckfaced baby-mama in the front row is EXACTLY like Desert Storm.  In fact-why don't we just skip ahead and give you the Medal of Honor?  For these purposes, the Medal of Honor is now a punch to the gut-and someone ripping off your fur collar, Nancy.

Lindsay Lohan Masterminded an Assault on Paris Hilton's Brother? Noooooo...

 

Via GossipMonger:

  Barron (Hilton)  reportedly attended a party on Thursday night at a Miami mansion where Lindsay has been staying while in town for the Miami Art Basel festival. During the party, someone accused Barron of spewing derogatory remarks about LiLo, and not long after, he was assaulted, according to TMZ.
Barron contacted the police and allegedly told them that Lindsay approached him at the party with a male friend and began yelling, “You talk s*** about me to my boyfriend, this is what you get!” The guy then proceeded to assault Barron, with Lindsay was laughing and egging him on, Paris's little brother says.
After the incident, cops arrived and interviewed Barron, who apparently said that he doesn't know the identity of his attacker but is adamant Lindsay is the behind the attack.
Meanwhile, LiLo is denying the accusation and claims that she wasn't even there when the attack went down, but TMZ posted footage of Barron confronting Lohan after the assault. So crazy!

Okay, fair enough-Lindsay Lohan is probably insane enough to egg on someone on whilst they get "assaulted" at a mansion party-but to mastermind an attack?  No way-this broad is outer space retarded so that's enough proof for me that she's innocent. 
 

R.I.P. Nelson Mandela

 

Former South African President and anti-apartheid leader Nelson Mandela has died at the age of 95.  

Via Fox News:

Nelson Mandela, who spent 27 years as a prisoner in South Africa for opposing apartheid, then emerged to become his country's first black president, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize and an enduring symbol of integrity, principle and resilience, died Thursday at 95.
The announcement was made by South African president Jacob Zuma, who said in a nationally televised address," Our nation has lost its greatest son. Our people have lost a father. Although we knew that this day would come, nothing can diminish our sense of a profound and enduring loss."
Mandela  had spent almost three months in a Pretoria hospital after being admitted in June with a recurring lung infection. He died at his Johannesburg home and Zuma said he would be accorded a full state funeral.
In Washington, President Obama called him one of the "most influential, courageous and profoundly good" people to ever have lived. 
"He achieved more than could be expected of any man," an emotional Obama said, in remarks from the White House, adding: "He belongs to the ages."

He was truly a hero among men-he will be remembered and revered for centuries to come.  God Bless, Nelson.

 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

The Young Ones

 

Oh yeah.

Annnnd Welcome to Hell

 

The four horsemen of the apocalypse above were all at some party last night, (I'm assuming the Carnival of Souls?) and my oh my-what is it that has Lindsay Lohan so perplexed?  Oh I got it-her vagina fell out.  Yep-that's the look.

This is Your New Wonder Woman, Mortals

 

 

Her name is Gal Gadot and she will now be starring in all your productions of masturbation theater.  Enjoy, horny nerds everywhere-but never forget Linda Carter-who started it all.

 

And a Little Something to Spice Up Your Nightmares...

 

The dolled up corpse above is none other than Kris Jenner escapee Bruce Jenner, getting all pretty for his role in the upcoming spoof film, The Hungover Games-guess what it makes fun of?? BETCHA CAN'T!

So, parents-if your kids are being all bratty and asking for too much shit for Christmas, just show them this picture and tell them that if they don't behave, this thing will eat Santa in front of them and then make them drive him around while he harasses the paparazzi on his E! show.  It worked with my nephew-now he just sits in his room and asks for garlic.  Haha-kids, amiright?

 

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

The Mom from Family Circus

Just loverly.

For Your Pleasure...The Kardashian Kristmas Kard

 

 

Because it just wouldn't be the holidays without the Christmas Gypsies shoving their weirdness down your throat.

 

PS...is it a casino or the inside of Kim's vagina?  YOU decide!

Paul Walker Dead After Car Accident

                                       

One of our favorite actors, Paul Walker, has passed away after getting into a car accident while at a benefit for his charity Reach Out Worldwide.  He was 40 years old.
He was a kickass actor, and will be missed.
God bless, Paul...Heaven just got a little more handsome.

Jennifer Aniston Spent Thanksgiving With Ginger

 

Don't know why, but here it is...

P.S.-his name is Ed Sheeran, so ya know, enjoy.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Oh Look, Courtney Stodden Found a Wig



Now, I didn't want you guys to just think we were some boring old news site that covered foreign affairs and political mumbo jumbo and checks and balances and government  and white houses, so for your pleasure-here is a mentally challenged person playing dress-up!  Take that, high school civics!

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Ron Swanson

Please and thank you.

People Related to People Who Are Way More Famous Wed, Now Want Annulment

So apparently, Clint Eastwood's daughter Francesca, and Jonah Hill's brother Jordan Feldstein got married in Las Vegas November 17th, as a goof off thing of course. Judging by the sweat stains on the only picture out there of Jordan Feldstein, marrying him is just a thing women do when they are feeling goofy. Perhaps Francesca was annoyed with all the attention her half-brother Scott is getting for no apparent reason. Well, anywhooo, now she wants the marriage annulled. This has played out exactly how I thought it would. Sometimes I hate to be right.

Nerds Are PISSED

 

 Okay, so in last night's episode of Family Guy, Brian Griffin was struck by a swerving car and killed off the show.  Oh wait hold on...SPOILER ALERT.

Anyway-after the accident, the Griffins got a new dog, Vinny, who is voiced by Sopranos alum Tony Sirico.  Needless to say, there is a huge backlash in response to this unceremonious send-off, complete with online petitions and pissed off IMDB comments.

Okay, so I have literally watched every episode of Family Guy-even the shitty pretentious ones where it is all too obvious Seth Macfarlane is trying to show the viewers he can be a serious film maker-and this is by far the dickiest of moves.  I think what makes it worse is this, via The Sydney Morning Herald:

It had been suggested in the show's writer's room that a member of the family be killed off and after a length discussion it was decided that it would be Brian.
"It seemed more in the realm of a reality that a dog would get hit by a car," Callaghan said.
"As much as we love Brian, and as much as everyone loves their pets, we felt it would be more traumatic to lose one of the kids, rather than the family pet."
Compounding the surprise, the Griffins almost immediately adopted a new dog named Vinny, who is voiced by actor Tony Sirico (The Sopranos).
"Where Brian was sort of a match for Stewie intellectually, Vinny is a good match for Stewie because he doesn't let Stewie get away with any crap," Callaghan said.
Although the producers are confident they have made the right call, fans are less certain and a backlash is already brewing.
"Our fans are smart enough and have been loyal to our show for long enough to know that they can trust us," Callaghan said.

For fuck's sake, it's a goddam cartoon-when did cartoon writers get all high and mighty about their writing?  How about NOT killing off characters to "shake things up?" Why not just be funnier?  You know what's fucking hilarious? Fart jokes...do more of that you pretentious douchebags.

And by the way-realm of reality?  Are you fucking joking?  IT'S A CARTOON!!!  Is it in the realm of reality that a giant chicken takes up ten minutes of every other show to fight Peter?  

Well anyway-back to learning practical magic.  It's the only thing you can trust in this crazy world...

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Miss Daisy

 

Spicy!

For Your Pleasure...Here is this Young Man's Side Boob

Oh Yeah-This is Going to End Well

So according to The Huffington Post, Eminem and Kim Mathers are MAYBE back together, and you'll have to excuse the dated photo, but I couldn't find a recent one of Kim Mathers that wasn't a mug shot.  Go figure, right-a classy broad like her?  But this quote, from her mother, Kathy, is truly a glowing endorsement of her daughter, and really shows why Eminem would want this beacon of grace and wholesomeness back in his life:

“She has been clean all these years, she just takes care of her family. She’s doing very well," Kathy said. "I think they might [get back together soon], they get on better than ever.”

Oh Eminem, you old romantic so-and-so.  Getting back with your high school sweetheart after she done and got clean.  For a limited period.  You sir, are a prince.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!

Lawrence from Office Space

Hellloooo neighbor

R.I.P. Sylvia Brown

 

Via The Washington Times: 

Her son, Chris, confirmed to TMZ that she passed away this morning surrounded by family and friends.
“For nearly six decades, Sylvia Browne dedicated her life to helping others as a spiritual guide through private readings, past-life regressions and prayer groups that spanned the globe,” the Facebookmessage read. “Having been called upon to assist individuals, families, and law enforcement agencies across the U.S. and Canada on criminal investigations, she worked tirelessly as an advocate for justice, receiving several commendations for the positive impact her contributions provided.”
Montel Williams said in a statement that he will remember Mrs. Browne forever.
“I, like so many of you, lost a friend today,” he said. “But, as has been for the last twenty years, she’ll always remain a part of me. My thoughts and prayers go out to Sylvia’s family in this time of loss.”

 

Very sad, God Bless, Sylvia.