I'M GOIN' ON BREAK!

 

Listen up, my beautiful babies, I will be going on break to smoke a ton of weed and dream about all of you chasing me through a meadow because they're my fucking dreams.  But seriously my babies, I will be taking a small break from this dick-joke machine, but rest assured, my ass will be back sooner than you can say "court-appointed-rehab".  

Adriana Lima is Dating Julian Edelman

 

In the grand tradition of VS smoke-shows dating NFL players, Adriana Lima and Julian Edelman are now banging.  In related news, I am a master Jenga player, my mom and grandma some people might even say I'm the NFL-iest of all Jenga players...ladies?

Omarosa is Engaged

 

Grade-A cunt and Satan's bff, Omarosa, is engaged to some poor fool named John Allen Newman.  In an ironic, Poe-esque twist, her new guy is a pastor at Calvary Church in Florida.  I just...I don't know...run, dude.  Just. Run.  

R.I.P. Garry Marshall

 

This is truly sad news...

Iconic director and creator of such pop culture jewels such as Happy Days and Laverne & Shirley has died at age 81.  This guy was a fucking dynamo...he basically WAS pop culture and honestly, I'm gonna miss the hell out of him...rest easy Garry, you've earned it.

Damn, Joseph Kahn

Snap and snap.  Director Joseph Kahn ain't playin when it comes to defending buck-toothed giant, Taylor Swift against Kanye West and whatever bullshit they have going on this week...(it's like get a room already, amirite?)  Any snooch, Kahn is apparently mad that Kanye called Swift a bitch in his latest song, you know, because that SO matters, and went on the defensive on Twitter, saying: 

"Ain't the first time the Kardashians supported the murder of an innocent blonde woman."

Gotta say...super obvious joke, bro, I would have expected more from a pudgy faux-celebrity.  

Drew Barrymore Divorced What's-His-Nuts

 

In "who truly gives a shit" news, Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman have decided to stop having boring, vegan, white people sex and release their terribleness on the world separately.  Big ups to the next people that need to deal with either of them.

HOTTIE OF THE DAY!!

Annie's Boobs

 

This furry little thief will never Chang