David Bowie Has Died at Age 69

This is truly heartbreaking...

David Bowie lost his brave 18 month battle with cancer, and departed from our world to the next on Sunday, surrounded by his family.  I don't need to rehash his amazing, forty year career-we all know what a force he was...his music, his acting and his personality were all so magnetic, that he usually topped people's "celebrities I want to hang out with" game.  I always thought that Bowie would be around forever...he just seemed that magical. 

You will be sorely missed, Mr. Stardust.  Party in Peace.

The 2016 Golden Globes

Welp, the 73rd? 85th? 134th? Golden Globes were held last night, and I didn't watch because I'm a real man and instead was watching Downton Abbey on PBS with my mom.  Where my Lady Mary Bitches at?

Anywho, here's some pictures of Hollywood sucking its own dick.  Oh and it looks like Jonah Hill may have lost his shit.  Enjoy?

  

Tila Tequila: Still Retarded and Loving it

The celebrity? No...fame whore? No-that's not right...The Walking Disease Center at the Mayo Clinic went on an epic Twitter rant about how it's 2016 and still, nobody has yet proven to her that the earth is round.  Tis flat! she cried to the heretics...tis flat!

 

Please check out her Twitter page for more tits and nonsense.  

Tyga is Tots Not a Creep You Guys

 

Okay, so basically this "14 year old" model is claiming that Tyga (that's right, of Kylie Kardashian fame) sent her inappropriate messages via social media.  Tyga is claiming that he actually only messaged her regarding a record contract.   I mean, clearly he fucked up somewhere but let's look at the cold hard facts here: 

-this chick is being represented, (see: goaded into saying shit) by famed bloodsucker and succubus cunt Gloria Allred, who will take any case as long as it involves a crying vagina pointing to a penis.  I don't think Tyga is in the right here, I mean, seriously?  A record contract?  Come on now, dum dum. 

Justin Bieber is Being Used by Kourtney Kardashian

 

 Yeah I don't know...the Biebs said something about being used by Kourtney Kardashian in reference to the two hooking up a few weeks ago.  Quite frankly, it's nice to see the boring sister getting up to something.  In all seriousness though, if Bieber didn't want to be used by a forty year old slagathor, then why didn't he just toss an NBA player in front of her on a fishing wire? 

Miss Philippines on Sharing Crown: "Fuck No"

Well actually she said something like "it would be difficult for two girls to share the crown" to the question of "could Colombia and the Philippines share the crown, but come on, we all know what she's thinking.  Oh...she also said that Steve Harvey should host the pageant again next year...you sneaky bitch.

Justin Bieber is Now Banging Hailey Baldwin

Hey guys, and welcome to 2016...first order of business?  Showing you this picture of Justin Bieber getting all up in Hailey Baldwin's mouth.  Now, don't worry guys-this is a Stephen Baldwin grown up sperm, not Alec so this barely counts as news...I'm just trying to look like I'm working so my boss doesn't try to fire me again.  2015 was last year, Larry, which means I totally still work here.

Editor's Note:  Apparently being fired in 2015 means I am fired for all the times.  Learn somethin' new every day, right?  If anyone is hiring, I'm a wiz with slight of hand magic.

No I'm not...I'm just trying to impress you.