Kim Richards is Fucking Scary

 

PHOTO: TMZ

 

Here is the booking photo for Lil Kim Richards and I must say...Caitlyn Jenner much?  Anywho, this broad got community service, probation, and AA meetings for stealing $600 worth of Target shit.  You know what else she stole?  My heart.  I sentence you to five hugs. 

Here's Lena Dunham to Politicize Your Halloween

 

Okay so my managing editor mom told me to not make the obvious abortion joke, so I got nothin'.  Oh wait I got it...one look at that and nobody will ever want to have unprotected sex again!  BOOM!  

Halle Berry is Getting Divorced *Sprays breath spray* So you know...I got a Chance now

 

Halle Berry and Oliver Martinez have reportedly filed for divorce.  This marks divorce number 3 in twenty years for Berry, but you know what I say...the more tread on the tire the B-E-double T-E-R!  

I'm sorry.  I'm an abomination.

Kylie Jenner Might Pregnant but Probably Not

 

So basically, because the world is ending and resistance is futile, every news item is now in the Kardashian sphere.  Go on-look on Yahoo news and count the Kardashian-centric articles.  ANYWAY...fish lips up there posted this picture of herself on Instagram with the caption "hey lil tummy".  This has fueled pregnancy rumors because you know, she's fucking 18 and wants attention for something other than her ridiculousness.  On the off chance she is pregnant...Good God, I can't even fathom it...

Everything Lena Dunham Touches turns to Shit

 

Ladies and gentlemen of Earth, I present to you Exhibit A...or what used to be known as Parker Posey.

Paris Jackson is Probably Married

 

 Happy Saturday loyal tasteless readers!  Let's kick off the weekend right with some speculation about a 17 year old's relationship.  And my mom said I would never make it...

According to reports, it seems Paris Jackson has changed her last name to Castellaw...as in Chester Castellaw, an 18 year old soccer player and boyfriend to Paris.  That's pretty much the gist of it right there, but I think the real story here is the fact that this kid's name is Chester, for crying out loud. 

Kim Kardahsian's Birthday was Weird

 

So not only did Kanye West rent out a movie theater so that Kim could watch the new Steve Jobs movie (weird enough right?  I would have bet money she was a Hotel Transylvania 2 girl) but all of the guests at Kim K's birthday were forced to thrilled to wear fake baby bumps to show their support for Kim being 7 months pregnant.  Apparently Kylie wore hers in her ass because why the fuck not?  

Again...I'm sorry about all these Kardashain posts...but it was between this or Beyonce telling her assistant to stop fussing with her tits so I'm comfortable with my decision.