Annnd as we can see, Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, and Carrie Fisher are all there...along with that skinny weirdo who put his penis into the cavernous vagina of Lena Dunham on the abortion Girls. So space shouldn't be much different...bada bum!
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
R.I.P. Bob Hoskins
Via ABC News:
A family statement released Wednesday by agent Clair Dobbs said Hoskins died in a hospital after a bout of pneumonia.
A versatile character actor capable of menace, quiet poignancy and
Cockney charm, London-raised Hoskins appeared in some of the most
acclaimed British films of the past few decades, including gangster
classic "The Long Good Friday."
He specialized in tough guys with a soft center, including the ex-con
who chaperones Cathy Tyson's escort in Neil Jordan's 1986 film "Mona
Lisa." Hoskins was nominated for a best-actor Academy Award for the
role.
This is very sad. Pretty much everyone in my generation grew up on Bob Hoskins movies. He was one of the most talented actors out there and he will be truly missed. God Bless.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Well, It was Only a Matter of Time
Above is a photo of Pia Mia-the young lady whom Kanye West is rumored to be banging while Kim Kardashian is busy doing...uhm-grazing? Yeah okay we'll go with grazing-or making milkshakes out of her ass fat to throw at commoners. I have a vivid imagination. Via Hollywood Life:
Pia Mia Gives Impromptu Performance At Karashian Dinner Party
“It was really nerve-racking because Kim and Khloe [Kardashian] were sitting across from me videotaping,” Pia says of her impromptu performance. “It was a really cool experience. I never thought I’d be able to sing Drake his song, so that was for sure something I’ll remember forever.”
That’s not surprising, especially since Kim graciously uploaded the video to Keek and shared it with her millions of followers, a move she might be regretting after Kanye and Pia’s alleged hookup.
Plus, who could forget high praise from both Drake and Kanye?
“Drake thought it was dope and Kanye said that he thought it was really good too,” Pia says.
We just hope that Kanye’s admiration for Pia begins and ends on a professional, platonic level! It’d be hard to believe Kanye would go after a 17-year-old as an engaged man in his mid-thirties.
This girl is 17???? Holy shit-what are they feeding kids today? Oh yeah-the cheating...hmmm. Well, if he did cheat, that means he would incur the wrath of absolutely nobody, because nobody would honestly give a shit. Tough call.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
George Clooney Engaged to Human Woman
George Clooney is engaged to Amal Alamuddin, so if you thought his constant banging of hot women and living the dream of unattached bachelorhood was a big ruse to hide his homosexuality...well, you're probably right, but still.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Katy Perry's New Music Video is....Long and Not Funny
So if you have eight minutes to spare and want to not laugh at her impressions of a Jewish MC, a crusty stripper, a clown and some other crap WHILE she attempts to make jokes about each of the half-baked characters...please click above. Or just take a nap...you know what? Take a nap.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
We Win...Justin Bieber Not Allowed in U.S.
Via UsWeekly:
Not so fast! Justin Bieber has been detained in LAX airport, a source confirms to Us Weekly.
The "Boyfriend" singer arrived at the airport after a recent trip to
Asia on Thursday, April 24. Bieber flew Singapore Air and landed at 1
p.m. PST. His bodyguards are currently waiting outside for him.
Damn-so it looks like it's only temporary. Sorry for the fake-out, boners. At least you can be comforted by the fact that there's an identical planet Earth out there in the galaxy, just 10% bigger. Seriously, look it up, so ya know-since JWow, Snookie, and Tila Tequila are all pregnant, it might behoove all of us to make a break for bigger Earth. Something to think about.
"Tasteless Entertainment, you're a fucking genius."
-Science
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
Tila Tequila's Uterus Got Drunk and is Now Pregnant
Unstable reality star semen receptacle Tila Tequila is now with child, joining the ranks of other knocked up idiots JWOW and Snookie. You may now commence colonizing Mars.
R.I.P. Kevin Sharp
Via Billboard:
Country musician Kevin Sharp, who defied the odds in a well-publicized battle with cancer in the 1990s prior to becoming a hit artist on the Billboard country charts, has died at the age of 43.
He passed away Saturday evening (April 19) due to ongoing complications from past stomach surgeries and digestive issues, according to the artist's website.
Sharp was born in in Redding, Calif., on Dec. 10, 1970. At age 7, he and his family moved to Idaho for before returning to California in the mid-1980s. During high school, Sharp began to flex his creative muscles with appearances in local musicals.
Very, very heartbreaking-rest in Peace, Kevin, and God Bless.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Khloé Kardashian is Dating French Montana. This Follows the Kardashian Formula of Basketball Player to Rapper
Guess Kourtney didn't get the memo. Khloé, who recently filed for divorce from Lamar Odom has been hanging out with rapper French Montana. So, following Kardashian love for geography in names, if these two have a baby, it will most likely be called Billings or Helena.
As Gooding As It Gets
Cuba Gooding, Jr. may be the only black person to ever attend a professional hockey game, but he sure has his trademark enthusiasm as he watches the New York Rangers defeat the Philadelphia Flyers in the first round of the NHL Playoffs. Either that or he is working on his own rendition of R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly."
Thursday, April 17, 2014
For Fuck's Sake, Donna...
So reports are going around that Tom Cruise is giving Lauren Prepon the ol' dianetics with his space sword. I don't get how Scientology works...via Fox News:
It would be a match made in Scientology heaven, if Scientology had a heaven, but it does not.
Tom Cruise is dating "Orange Is the New Black" star Laura Prepon, Page Six reports.
“It’s the buzz on the set of her show,” the insider told the gossip column.
Prepon, who plays a lesbian drug dealer on the hit Netflix show, and Cruise, who recently got dumped by Katie Holmes, are trying very hard to keep their relationship a secret, but have reportedly been spotted on multiple occasions.
The British magazine Grazia reported the two were an item as early as last fall.
“They spent three hours laughing and joking. It’s clear Tom is smitten and after the date he was on cloud nine,” the magazine reported. “They had their second date at the restaurant, too, meeting for Sunday brunch, and then she accompanied him a few days later to a dinner party at John [Travolta]’s home.”
So basically, these two are going to use their magic space cloud to make ripe rain babies and everyone is cool with it? Come on, America.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Welcome to Coachella...Where Pretentious Celebrities Pretend to be Dirty Hippies
The festival season has arrived, and it is has brought with it many pictures of famous folks in their best $400 bikini tops and floppy hats to attempt to capture the care-free spirit of festivals past. Oh wait-that's not right...because these assholes don't stand for shit. Enjoy the circus...
And presenting Queen Douche...
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
Dammit-I was Gonna Wear MY William the Conqueror Outfit Today!
Seriously...what the fuck is she expecting in this thing?
Not Cool, Ice Cube
If you're asking yourself, who really cares about MTV Movie Awards anyway? Well I'll give you one guess...and no, it's not Meryl Streep...not after she lost to Zac Efron, anyway. In short...Ice Cube is a dick and here's why: Via UsWeekly:
That's cold, Ice. O'Shea "Ice Cube" Jackson vented his frustration on Monday, April 14, after the trophy for Best Onscreen Duo went to late actor Paul Walker and Fast & Furious 6 costar Vin Diesel at the 2014 MTV Movie Awards. "We was robbed," Ice Cube told USA Today. "Shame on you MTV."
After fans took to social media to express their outrage, Ice Cube tweeted late Monday, "Re: The MTV Awards. I wasn't really mad we didn't win. I would never diss the actors who won. Not even Paul Walker. Seriously people!" The Friday After Next star added, "Don't believe the hype."
So yeah, maybe MTV did award Paul Walker as a way to honor his memory, because that is the classy thing to do at an awards show geared towards tweens who really just watch it for all that hot
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Boo Hiss Barf
Ugh...
Okay, so as I'm sure you know, the vagina known as Farrah Abraham from Teen Mom is now fancying herself an erotic novelist. Just to recap--she didn't know what the word feminist meant-and she will probably get a contract from a major publisher because of how batshit ridiculous this is-and she's likely legally retarded. Maybe books are a dead medium after all...please God. Via UsWeekly:
"I think because of the experiences I went through, and I think some of them were unfair, and I guess judged incorrectly from the public when I was going through some things with my sex tape," she told Us Weekly in a recent interview. "I think it was the catalyst for me to start writing therapeutically, and then I was thinking of fictional characters so I could kind of get out of my head and this came about."
WHOA WHOA WHOA HOLD THE PHONE... Who in the hell taught her what catalyst meant?
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
R.I.P. The Ultimate Warrior
The wrestling and entertainment world has lost a legend. The man who scared the dickens out of me those weekend mornings when it was still WWF, The Ultimate Warrior, has passed away at the age of 54. Having evoked such a strong reaction, he quickly became my favorite wrestler. No cause of death has been given as of now. He is survived by his wife and two daughters. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
I'm Not Making the Obvious Beached Whale Joke Because I'm a Nice Person, Dammit.
Here is Kim Kardashian's ass eating a swimsuit while posing for God only knows on a beach somewhere because who needs to take care of an infant when you can hump sand? KK don't roll that way.
Monday, April 7, 2014
R.I.P. Mickey Rooney
Beloved screen legend Mickey Rooney passed away Sunday surrounded by family at his home in North Hollywood after being ill for a period of time. He was 93. Rooney had been in showbiz for the most of his life, becoming famous for playing Andy Hardy when he was just a teenager. He was an MGM gem in days of the big studios, and was often cast alongside Judy Garland. He was a shining light and will be missed. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
Snooki is Pregnant Again-Yeah
So according to her vagina, Snooki is expecting her second child with that guy who now can never leave. Mazel to the two people who would have never gotten together had it not been for those like, fun drinks with the fizzy stuff? I dunno-just gimmie one! SELFIE! OMG you guys, I gotta pee-block me while I go in front of the bar...GIRLS NIGHT! Oh hey-he's cute...
CUT TO...The present. Brought to you by Durex Condoms..for when you can't afford Trojans.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
James Franco is Pretty Much a Pervert...But I'm Sure You Knew That if Your'e an Underage Girl
Okay so basically, this is a snippet from an all too creepy conversation that James Franco had with a UK TEENAGER named Lucy. There's a lot more, including weird come hither pictures that he sent to the teen, but you get the point: James Franco is a fucking creep. No matter how you slice it, or even if he tries to play this off as some sort of artsy fartsy statement...he knowingly hit on a 17 year old girl. And honestly, it's not even that so much as the fact that he did this on Instagram...so not only is he trolling for teenage girls, but in fact, is one. So enjoy the creepiest conversation not even Roman Polanski would approve of...(we kid you Roman, we love you over here).
David Letterman is Retiring
Via TMZ:
David Letterman, the longest-serving late-night talk show host in TV history, has just announced his retirement.
Letterman made the announcement during the taping of his show Thursday in New York, telling the audience his last show will take place in 2015.
He told the audience ... he's turning 67 and wants to spend more time with his family. Dave went on to say he'd be retiring in the next year or 2. The audience thought he was joking because he said, "Finally Paul and I can get married."
Letterman made the announcement during the taping of his show Thursday in New York, telling the audience his last show will take place in 2015.
He told the audience ... he's turning 67 and wants to spend more time with his family. Dave went on to say he'd be retiring in the next year or 2. The audience thought he was joking because he said, "Finally Paul and I can get married."
Man, it's sad when all the talk show people you grew up with retire or go all Conan and move to L.A.-making it much more of a bitch to get tickets. I think this one is gonna be the worst to see go-nobody does dry wit like Letterman, and I don't think there is an SNL alum around who CBS can grab to try to fill his shoes. There IS however, a lonely blogger right here who they can take a chance on...a lonely blogger who keeps their hands to themselves and only drinks on weeken...you know what? I can't even get through it without laughing.
Holy Fuck, Alexa Ray Joel
So this is Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley's daughter, Alexa Ray Tits Joel. Uhm, something's boobs different, something is definitely sweater puppies different. Oh I got it...her whole fucking face. It's like she surgically removed Billy Joel from her DNA and shoved it down her shirt.
Boobs. That is all.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
HOTTIE OF THE DAY!
Kate McCallister from Home Alone
Sure she left her kid home alone, but she felt bad about it--What's hotter than that?
Son, We Know You Are Hopelessly Depressed But…We're Going to Thailand
While Rob Kardashian is seemingly sinking deeper into his depression, his gypsy family has fled the country for some rest and retardation in Thailand. But don't worry, we're sure they left a camera crew behind to look after Rob. Yesterday, April 1st, Rob tweeted "No one will ever understand how much it hurts." Is this further evidence he needs help? A weird April Fools joke? Or a comment on how it feels when Kim accidentally sits on you? Either way, we hope Rob gets the help he desperately seems to need. And of course, we know the real reason for the trip to Thailand--quickie sex change operations on the cheap. Thailand? More like No-more-tie-land. Enh? Enh? Am I right Bruce?
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Too...Many...Jokes...And They're Not Very Funny-DAMN YOU, DRINKING AT WORK!
For your pleasure, here is Kim Kardashian's face while getting hit on by...Kourtney? Yeah that's tots Kourtney.
We would have also accepted:
-Hahaha my daughter is getting raped by an elephant...CAMERA 2! GET ON THIS...By the way, I'm keeping this tan kid.
- Kanye! Don't sneak up behind her-she scares easy!
-US WEEKLY: Who wore it best? Kim: 1% Elephant: 1000%
-Boobs. Because boobs always win.
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